Caught In Crossfire
by TiViLo
Summary: Peeta's POV throughout Mockingjay. He finds himself in the middle of the war between Snow and Katniss, as a result has to spend every second holding onto who he really is. Mockingjay only gives you brief glimpses of what Peeta experienced while Katniss worked with the rebels, CIC gives you a detailed perspective of Peeta's account as he decides whether Katniss is his lover or enemy
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to my story all you lovely Hunger Games fans out there. For those of you who are like me and are completely in love with Peeta and everythig he stands for you might have been a bit put out with the lack to information given about in Mockingjay. Never fear, if you have already exhausted all the Mockingjay PeetaPOV fanfictions out there here is a new one.

HUGE DISCLAIMER: I am 100% not a writer. I am just an huge Hunger Games fan with a very strong imagination that has allowed me to construct a whole story centring around Peeta's experiences in the Capitol and 13, so my writing style might not be up to Suzanne Collins standard but I can ensure you 100% effort has been made in the storyline. I have analysed Mockingjay as much as humanly possible and are going to attempt a storyline of Peeta's that works with Katniss'. This being said I am looking for a Beta Reader ASAP to fix all the grammatical and spelling errors I am very likely to make.

Another Disclaimer: I do not own any of these amazing characters as much as I'd love to, this story is purely for the purpose of satisfying Peeta fans that were left unknowing about his experience in Mockingjay.

I hope you enjoy the start of my story and if you do be sure to let me know :)

Chaos. That's all I have the ability to comprehend as I'm dragged from unconsciousness by unfamiliar hands and voices. The first thing I actually register is how the artificial light is far too bright for me to keep my dropping eyes open. Eventually the messy chorus of voices actually begins to produce words that I register, the very first being my name, Peeta. I attempt to open my mouth and explain my confusion but the effort involved in this makes me suddenly aware of the agony that is coursing through my whole body and I willingly return to the peace of unconsciousness.

It feels like only seconds later that there is a stab in my neck and I feel my eyelids being forced open. A grunt escapes my lips and this makes the voices become much louder and unbearable.

"What's your name?" Is first sentence that I can understand, probably due to the fact that is as produced by the loudest and most forceful voice.

"Peeta" I hoarsely manage to get out. To my relief to other voices around me begin to quiet down.

"Where are you?" demands the same voice.

For the first time I actually attempt to make sense of the images my eyes are sending to my brain but I have no luck in establishing place, "No idea".

"How long have you been working for the rebels?" cries a different voice, more high pitched than the last. This makes me attempt to concentrate. Rebels? What were they talking about, what is going on? But only one thing comes to my mind, "Katniss." Despite the pain I try to raise myself to look for her, "where is she?" I demand but the group throws more questions at me again. "Katniss!" I scream, and I keep on screaming until another sharp pain occurs in my neck and my vision is dominated by familiar darkness.

Once again I am coaxed awake but this time I am mentally prepared for the situation and her name is on my lips before they begin their questioning. "Katniss, where is Katniss?"

I notice a middle-aged woman with a strong jaw line fiddling with a tube that I notice is lodged in my arm. "I will be the one asking questions boy and if you have any desire to see your fiancée again it is in your best interests to answer the truthfully". I feel a natural instinct to resist the restraints that are now pinning my body down but a threat involving Katniss is all it takes to get me to cooperate.

"I'll answer anything you want, just don't hurt her" I plea looking the women in the eyes.

She seems to be satisfied with my sincerity and a small smile appears across her mouth. "Excellent. We will start simple, are you working for the rebels?"

It is now that I truly understand the expression of a mind going a million miles an hour as I feel a rush to thoughts and question fighting for my attention. I decide to focus on the women's questions but refrain from contemplating them completely to avoid more demanding mental questions. I will put the pieces of this puzzle together later and for now concentrate on keeping Katniss safe. "No"

"Were you previously working for the rebels?"

"No" I answer simply. Her eyes look into mine as she considers me.

"What do you know of the rebels?"

"All I know is that there was a possibility of rebellion in some of the districts but that's it" I state honestly, confusion threatening to consume all my sense.

"You're telling me that they never mentioned the plan to you" the woman says septically.

"What plan? What is going on?" I demand in frustration and wince as this exertion reminds me of the pain in my skull. The woman looks on the verge of rolling her eyes but her attention goes to a new person who just entered the room. The man walks with authority and is clothed in a white jacket, another medic I presume.

"I've been instructed that I am to take over the situation with the boy" he says plainly and when the woman starts to dispute this he concludes "President Snow's orders."

Well that confirms one thing, I am in the Capitol and that means something happened in the arena and we are all about to be punished for it. I struggle to recall the last moments I remember in the steaming hot, constantly ticking death trap of the arena. Katniss, I remember calling her name trying to get back to her, to protect her. Brutus coming out of nowhere and spearing Chaff, my knife lodged in his spine and then an explosion. I recall being thrown to the ground and the sharp pain on the back of my skull and then nothing. What happened?

I watch the women leave the room and as soon as the man approaches me I ask the question at the front of my mind. He is more restrained than the women and straight to the point. He informs me that a directed plan of the rebels and some of the victors destroyed the arena. That from the beginning there was plan to ensure Katniss survived her second time in the arena and it was in the last moments in the arena that the plan reached its climax.

"All I remember is the explosion." I say, more to myself than to him.

" That's understandable, the force of it caused you to give yourself quite a concession, you are probably still mentally disorientated" he says as he checks a clip board.

"Where is Katniss?" I ask once again, having for faith in getting a response from this man.

"Miss Everdeen was the person who caused the explosion, she was working with the rebels to break out of the arena, and she is, to the best of my knowledge with them"

Katniss. Working with rebels? That isn't possible. I recall Katniss' desperate tears after our appearance in District 11 as she gave me the only information I have about district rebellion. "You're wrong. Katniss and I knew nothing, all we were trying to do is keep each other alive!" I say forcefully, not sure if I'm trying to convince him or the tiny spark of doubt that's formed in the back of my mind.

No emotion can he seen on the mans face and I feel myself becoming desperate for more answers but all he gives me is "If that is true, then why is it that you were left behind?"

As much as I hate to admit it this hits a nerve and somewhere in the pit of my stomach I feel a tiny ache of betrayal, "I don't know".

I realise that I don't put it past Haymitch and Katniss to leave me out of essential information; they have done it freely in the past, but a plan to break people out of the arena? Surely I am worthy enough to be told of this, even if they didn't plan on rescuing me. Katniss and Haymitch are probably together now and where am I, strapped to a bed somewhere in the Capitol, with the enemy. I remember the first women's questions of the rebels; they obviously think that I am sided with their enemies despite my answers and now they are probably planning a way to make me pay for a plan I had no knowledge of. I feel a recent memory trying to push through, a memory of our last night in the area at the moment Katniss and I were separated. We both argued against it, Katniss was even willing to risk breaking our alliance with the others but they forced us apart. Katniss couldn't be a part of the plan, she wanted us to go out on our own, we were both just pieces in another person's game.

"Katniss and I didn't know anything, I swear. You saw us! We were planning on leaving the others. I was the one that made us stay with them" as I speak the words it sinks in, I should have listened and broke the alliance, its my fault that all of this has happened.

"I agree that you weren't informed, the polygraph has already proven this much" the man says refer to the machine I was connected to. How did I not realise all these wires connected to me? I guess I was living up to my newly acquired title of being mentally disorientated. "But all the evidence shows that Katniss was well informed, like I mentioned before she was the one that destroyed the force field working off Mr. Latier's elaborate plan" he continues.

This I can't find a reasonable explanation to. It could be that in the chaos of those last moments Katniss didn't realise what she was doing when she created the explosion that almost killed us all, however it is just as likely this man is correct and that she knew exactly what she was doing and I was the only one uninformed. I can no longer hold off the nagging questions in my mind and I feel them consume every thought. I feel the need to press my palms against my skull in attempt to relive this unrelenting pressure of thoughts but my restraints prevent. I am too preoccupied with unanswered questions that I don't notice another presence in this horrid room until they begin to wheel my bed forward.

"Where are you taking me" I say strongly attempting to catch a glimpse of this new person directly behind me. I have no luck and in frustration I ask, "What's going on?" It isn't until I am out in a hallway that the unknown person gives me a response that makes me immediately regret asking the question.

"President Snow has requested to see you".


	2. Chapter 2

Here you are nice and early, chapter 2 of CIC. I really hope you enjoyed the first and enjoy this chapter just as much. Thank you so much for all of you who have already favourited or followed my story, I promise that things are only going to get more intense as each chapter passes.

I am still restrained, that means I am not trusted. This is kind of satisfying because obviously I am viewed as some sort of threat, a label that has never really been used for me. The only other positive is that I am no longer forced into lying down; I've been transferred over to a rather uncomfortable chair. Though the metal frame aggravates my injured body it is definitely an improvement, as I do not feel so vulnerable with the ability to take in my surroundings. The harsh light that blinded me in the previous room doesn't exist in this new room; everything about this room doesn't portray harshness but only warmth and cosines, disregarding my chair of course. I wonder why I am left alone, why I wasn't taken directly to the President but then as a figure enters and announces the imminent arrival of the President I realize that even in these circumstances, Snow demands an entrance.

He enters the room with grace and control that convey his authority, his chest is always slightly raised and his chin never lowered. I can understand why he has done everything in order to preserve his power, it is because it consumes him and without it he would be nothing. His slightly too red lip form a soft smile as he takes in the image of me, restrained and under his rule.

"Ah Peeta. I am so very glad that we have finally got to chance to talk one on one," he says and he sits directly in front of me, converting the once lush armchair into one of his thrones.

I can't help it, before I even realize I let out exasperated huff. To this Snow raises a questioning eyebrow.

"My apologizes, it's just your words feel slightly out of place seeing as how you just sent me into the arena once again to be slaughtered" I say forcefully, attempting to produce some kind of reaction in his features but they remain controlled as ever but then break out into another one of his smiles.

"But alas, here you are" he says gesturing to my presence.

Once again I involuntarily huff, "No thanks to you".

"Exactly" he says forcefully, all kindness stripped from his tone revealing his true voice. "If I had it my way all 24 of you would be dead" his voice is deep and of such might it reminds me of why this man was able to control Panem for so long. But as soon as he has gotten across his point, his voice once again takes on it's formatted pleasantry. "But as you are here despite all odds, I am being truthful when I say I am glad we have the chance to speak".

But I'm not going to succumb to his wants that easily, "If you really wanted to speak to me you could have done so before the victory tour when you visited Katniss. My house was only 25 yards away so what was stopping you then if my company was so desired."

"You were not the problem" he replies plainly.

"But yet you sent me back into the games to die" I spit back, I am not a fool and I will not be tricked into thinking Snow doesn't have a problem with me.

"Perhaps you don't remember, but you volunteered to go back into the games" he states condescendingly.

"I didn't have a choice, if Katniss was going in so was I."

Snow makes a noises of satisfaction in his throat, "ah yes, so you could look out for her, do anything you could to ensure her safety" he moves slightly forward in his chair, "it is a shame your level of devotion is not returned by Miss Everdeen."

Again, despite my efforts the words hurt me but I was never going to let that show, not if I could help it.

"I told Haymitch to do anything he could to ensure Katniss stayed alive, and if that meant that I was to be left behind then I am okay with that" even as I say it, I'm not sure if I am speaking the truth. I was content with death when there were no other options, but destroying the arena was another option that it seems I was not even considered for.

"If that is true, why would he also put in effort to ensure Mr. Odair and Mr. Latier were rescued as well", Snow sees the shock in my eyes and it was obviously the response he was aiming for, "oh yes, they had time to save the brut and the brains but no time to rescue the bakers boy."

Another nerve hit. They saved Finnick and Beetee too? Was it because they were in on the plan, was that their payment for their participation? Frustration fills me and is evident when I speak, "Look your machine already proved that I don't know anything. I don't know what the plan was, why I wasn't told of it or why I was left behind so what do you want from me?"

"Peeta my dear by, I very aware that you were left in the dark and that is why you are here, to be filled in. I thought it only my duty to inform you personally" he says with such convincing kindness that for a second I almost feel grateful for him but this is extinguished when I look into his snake eyes and am reminded that those eyes have seen and caused so many unnecessary deaths in his rule. Despite my hatred for him he does do as promised and answer so many of the nagging questions in my mind. Katniss is with the rebels and Snow is convinced that she is working with them in plotting the downfall of the Capitol. I am told Plutarch Heavensbee, the head game maker I encountered on the victory tour was an undercover rebel and he had his hand in ensuring that arena was destroyed and Katniss was rescued. I think of all the times in the arena when we had close calls with death and how it might not have been due to luck that we survived, did Plutarch have his hand in ensuring that Katniss wasn't killed in his artwork of an arena? Haymitch, as I suspected, was apparently in on it as well and is more than likely with Katniss, wherever she was. This reminds me of another irritating question that Snow has yet to answer.

"Where is Katniss? Where are the rebels? You control all of the districts surely it isn't too hard to find out where they are." I say.

Snow considers something for a moment, probably contemplating whether I should know the answer to my question, but obviously he decides my knowledge is not a threat as he reveals, "Katniss and the rebels are based in District 13."

I raise my eyebrows skeptically, "District 13? The District that no longer exists?" I ask almost amused.

"Precisely. However, unknown to everyone except a select few, they do very much exist" Snow sees the confusion on my face and edges on, "Think Peeta, you are a smart boy. Long ago before the dark days what did District 13 produce?"

I recall Panem history lessons in school and respond with "Graphite", Snow raises his eyebrows to encourage me to go on and then it clicks. "They made nuclear weapons."

'Exactly." Snow seems pleased with my ability to make sense of the situation, "so in best interest of keeping the human species alive we agreed not to harm the district if they agreed to play dead, and for 74 years they have done so quite well. I'll admit that I didn't believe the district could survive without us and naturally presumed they would die out and end the problem they produced for us on their own, however this is one of the very few times I have been wrong."

I try to take in all of this new information, all the deceit we have been fed over the years about the demolition of a whole district and how every citizen of Panem didn't even thinking of ever questioning it. My thoughts are interrupted as Snow continues, "However, that being said I can ensure that District 13 is no threat against the strength of the Capitol and it's Districts. Peeta listen to me when I tell you they do not stand a chance. If your beloved decides to work with them they will eventually be conquered and I promise you that she will pay for her actions in her death."

Déjà vu all over again, I am once again required to do all I can to ensure Katniss is kept alive and safe. "Katniss never wanted this, she never wanted a rebellion. Believe me on the victory tour, though it my not have seemed like it, she was trying to calm down the districts. You don't know how Katniss works, but I do. Katniss would only ever work with the rebels if she believed they were her best chance in keeping her family safe. You provide an option to her that she thinks will do a better jobs of protecting her family and she will be on your side."

President Snow considers this for a long moment, "Katniss Everdeen is a traitor, and the whole country saw her blow up the arena. I cannot be seen showing mercy to a traitor, that is what began this whole mess."

I consider this, he is right everyone is going to believe that Katniss was in on the plan, working with the rebels just as Snow believes. But this is where I come in, the one thing I know I can do is use words to make people believe what I need them to.

"That's why you have me. Please, give me the chance, ill convince everyone that Katniss was hormonal, stressed, deranged, anything and had no idea what she was doing when she blew up the arena" I plea.

"I will give you this chance, but in return it is your duty to call for a ceasefire, to end this war before it has a chance to begin. If you succeed and the rebels surrender, I will pardon Miss Everdeen and her family and I will ensure you both live a happy life together here in the Capitol" Snow says firmly and I sigh in relief, it is a tough ask but a possible task, but then Snow continues.

"But if you should fail and Katniss begins to work with the rebels and starts this war then I will ensure you spend everyday of the rest of your life begging for death, and I will bring about the deaths of every rebel and of every person who gets in my way."

I shudder at how easily he promises death and torture, but there is only one more question on my mind.

"What will happen to Katniss?" I ask, not wanting to know the answer, but I am given it anyway.

"Miss Everdeen will be executed on the front steps of my mansion in front of all of Panem, and I'll see to it that the last thing she experiences in her irritable existence is the feeling of your hands closed about her throat."


	3. Chapter 3

I soon find myself sitting in a new room that is almost identical to the last. Warm lighting, furniture upholstered in rich dark colours and a rather extravagant chandelier hanging in the middle of the room. The main differences between this room and the last being the presence of a large bed and the absence of the snake eyed President Snow. The room is lush and comforting, but I am not a fool, I am aware that this current hospitality toward me is for a restricted time only. Snow's threats of torturing me should I fail in my mission of achieving a ceasefire only confirm that even though it isn't evident now, I am still a prisoner. I change into the clean clothing that has obviously been set out for me, glad to be rid of the paper hospital gown I found myself in when I regained consciousness after the explosion. I observe the sweater before putting it on, taking in its beautiful colour, Green. My thoughts instantly fall of Katniss, each of my conscious seconds since the arena have been taken over by questioning and being informed of everything I've missed that I haven't had a real chance to think about her. I wonder how she is doing, if she is hurt, if she misses me, or if what the Capitol are saying is true and she has completely dismissed me and left me behind not only in reality but also in her thoughts.

Upon my request a Capitol attendant brings me the footage of the last moments in the arena, I watch it in hope that I might be able to put more pieces of the puzzle together and finally determine whether or not Katniss was in on the rebels plan. I watch Katniss and Johanna notice the cut wire then Johanna using the coil to hit Katniss over the head to knock her out whilst she cut out her tracker. I see Katniss cling onto consciousness and attempt to make her way back to me, or the tree, I'm not sure. Beetee attempts to shove his knife connected to the wire into the force field and fails, and Katniss finds his limp body and analyses the situation, then I watch her string the wire to her bow and shoot it straight into the force field just as the lightning strikes. It really does look like Katniss was trying to piece together the situation and was acting in the moment when she destroyed the arena, and from experience I am aware that Katniss' acting skills are not her strongest trait. I suddenly recall the kiss we shared on the beach and I feel my heart begin to race, a huge part of me is certain that the kiss and all the emotions behind it were real but I am painfully reminded that I have been fooled by Katniss' kisses and her acting before, who is to say that I am not being fooled again.

I feel completely pathetic as I come to terms with the fact that uncertainty is something I cannot bear and really I am uncertain about everything. I feel a pit of despair begin to form inside of me so I do my best to think of the things I do know for sure. There is a District 13 and they have been able to survive on their own for 75 years but I am unsure as to how they managed to do so. I recall the days we sometimes spent without profit, and therefore food, at the bakery due to the fact that the Capitol was late in delivering our purchased ingredients. It was then I truly realized that our entire life was in the hands of Capitol and if they chose to never deliver our supplies again we would most likely starve. How has 13 done it? I think of Katniss hunting in the woods, I guess 13 could have hunted food as well but enough to feed an entire district? Doubts about the sustainability of 13 begin to form in my mind, it is true that their existence is impressive in itself, but surely they are a population only just surviving, the rebels there can only be at a colossal disadvantage in a war against the Capitol. I remember Snow's certainty as he ensured that the rebels would lose against him and I am sure he is right. It is remarkable that they managed to destroy the arena and save tributes lives, but the advantage of having Plutarch and victors on their side would have played major roles in that. I feel fairly certain that no group could stand a chance against the Capitol, armed with its control over 12 districts and this makes me only more desperate in achieving my mission of getting a ceasefire. As much as I hate the Capitol and what they stand for with their overindulgence and Hunger Games, I do not see any point in starting a war where one side is certain to lose; it is only a waste of human life. I think of the one life I am most interested in protecting, Katniss, I honestly do not know if she was working with the rebels but I do know that I need to make sure she doesn't associate herself with the anymore or her death will be certain when they eventually fall.

Hours pass and I eventually tire of all the wild thoughts running through my head and decide to distract myself by exploring the room I have only just realized I am locked in. The drawers by the bed are empty of clothing but the ones in the coffee table are occupied, I pull out everything I find in the draws and search through them. I notice that most are filled with magazines, each with its cover occupied by a beautiful, but rather eccentric looking woman. Boredom gets the better of be and I find myself flipping through the pages of bizarre clothing until I see a familiar face in one of the pictures, Cinna. It seems the magazine has dedicated an entire section to Cinna and his fashion creations and as I turn the page I see Katniss, looking as beautiful as ever in the photographs, wearing Cinna's clothing. I am in the photos too, most of the time standing by Katniss' side and I am shocked to see that we actually look happy and very much in love. No wonder why the Capitol citizens never doubted us, they were constantly fed images and videos of Katniss and I looking joyful with each other, I would have believed it too. When the images become all to painful to look at any further I resort of building card houses with a deck of cards I found underneath the magazines. This act becomes a saving grace; it requires enough of my concentration so I am unable to ponder on my thoughts, so for two full days all I do is eat, build card houses, battle with my own thoughts and sleep.

I begin to wonder what is taking them so long in deciding what to do with me, but during an afternoon a prep team enters my room and I become aware that they are making me camera ready. So this was it, this was my only chance from Snow to send a message to Katniss and the rebels and also to convince the country that both she and I were not a part of the plan to outsmart the Capitol and destroy the arena. When the team is satisfied with my appearance I am escorted to training centre where I enter the all too familiar set of my interviews. I am surprised to see Snow waiting in the wings of the stage but I compose myself.

"This is your only chance to redeem her Peeta" he says plainly.

"I know" I reply honestly, "I'll get a ceasefire and I'll convince the country that Katniss isn't working for the rebels".

"Convince me" Snow orders firmly and on those words I am called onto the stage to be once again interviewed by Caesar Flickerman.


	4. Chapter 4

Just a heads up, this chapter is primarily written by Suzanne Collins due to the fact that the dialogue is taken directly from Mockingjay. But don't worry, I have altered things around so it doesn't feel like you rereading the chapter from the books and this time you get an insight as to why Peeta is saying certain things.

Be sure to let me know you what think at the end of the chapter if you like the way I'm adapting the book to Peeta's situation :)

The stage lacks its usual array of fancy lighting and enormous monitors but some things remain constant, like the mummers of the anticipating audience, the two chairs set up in the centre of the stage to be slightly facing one another and of course the enthusiastic presence of Caesar Flickerman. As I am walking on stage I register that all of Panem will be watching, including the rebels and Katniss, so I do my best to stand tall, smile brightly and speak charismatically. I know I wouldn't have the same effects with my words if I presented myself as the uncertain wreak I currently am. Caesar smiles brightly at me as he welcomes me to his stage, and it truly is his stage, he walks around it with such ease and grace as one would walk around their own home. I wave kindly at the audience and the cameras with a soft smile and take my position in one of the chairs.

"So… Peeta… Welcome back" Caesar says after giving me a long look, I could be wrong but I have a small feeling that he is a bit lost for words at the fact that I'm sitting here alive and this brings about a smile on my behalf.

"I bet you thought you'd done your last interview with me, Caesar."

Caesar's face relaxes; I've covered up his loss for words nicely, "I confess, I did. The night before the Quarter Quell… well, who ever thought we'd see you again?"

"It wasn't a part of my plan, that's for sure." I admit honestly. My plan that failed, if it had succeeded all of this wouldn't be happening. If Katniss won the games Snow would have encountered her like he did me and surely she would do everything he asked like I am doing now. I feel a frown on my forehead and I am glad when Caesar continues talking so I can compose myself.

"I think it was clear to all of us what your plan was. To sacrifice yourself in the arena so that Katniss Everdeen and your child could survive."

"That was it. Clear and simple" I say plainly. Perfect, he had reminded the audience of the supposed baby, this would help me draw on the Katniss being hormonal angle. I am caught up in my thoughts for a moment and find myself admiring the pattern of the armchair I am sitting in. I consider how else I could explain Katniss' actions, I don't think her being desperately in love with me would work a second time so I begin with passing the blame to our allies. "But other people had plans as well."

"Why don't you tell us about that last night in the arena? Help us sort a few things out." Caesar suggests encouragingly after my long silence.

I nod, I've already suggested that the plan was the other Victors doing now I need another angle for an excuse on Katniss' behalf, and Caesar just provided me with the perfect cue, the chaotic nature of the arena. "That last night… to tell you about that last night… well, first of all, you have to imagine how it felt in the arena. It was like being an insect trapped under a bowl filled with steaming air. And all around you, jungle… green and alive and ticking. That giant clock ticking away your life" I recall, shuddering at the memories my words and producing in me, "Every hour promising some new horror. You have to imagine that in the past two days, sixteen people have died – some of them defending you. At the rate things are going, the last eight will be dead by morning. Save one. The victor. And your plan is it wont be you." I look briefly at the audience and see that my carefully choice words are having the desired effect they all look horrified and concerned. I continue, "Once you're in the arena, the rest of the world becomes very distant. All the people and things you loved or cared about almost cease to exist. The pink sky and the monsters in the jungle and the tributes who want your blood become your finally reality, the only one that ever mattered. As bad as it makes you feel, you're going to have to do some killing, because in the arena you only get one wish. And it's very costly."

"It costs your life," says Caesar sympathetically, I presume this is the first time he has heard anyone speak of the awfulness of the games.

"Oh , no. It costs a lot more than your life. To murder innocent people? It costs everything you are." I admit honestly, feeling the hair at the back of my neck rise.

"Everything you are," Caesar repeats quietly, more to himself than to the audience.

I notice that everyone is quiet in the audience; I can see it in the faces of the people that they are considering my every word and I feel satisfaction rise inside of me. I think its best to keep on talking, not give them a chance to dismiss my words with excuses for the games, "So you hold onto your wish, And that last night, yes, my wish was to save Katniss. But even without knowing about the rebels, it didn't feel right. Everything was too complicated. I found myself regretting I hadn't run off with her earlier in the day, as she suggested," I add carefully, "But there was no way of getting out of it at that point."

"You were too caught up in Beetee's plan to electrify the salt lake."

"Too busy playing allies with the others" I say forcefully, anger slowly filling me, "I should have never let them separate us! That's when I lost her." I don't know if I'm saying this to Caesar or to myself, but either way I'm struggling to control my fury I have with myself.

"When you stayed at the lightning tree, and she and Johanna Mason took the coil of wire down to the water," Caesar says to the audience just in case they were too in shock of my agitated manor to make sense of what I said, but I don't care.

"I didn't want to! But I couldn't argue with Beetee without indicating we were about to break away from the alliance. When that wire was cut, everything just went insane. I can only remember bits and pieces. Trying to find her. Watching Brutus kill Chaff. Killing Brutus myself. I know she was calling my name. Then the lightning bolt hit the tree, and the force field around the arena… blew out."

"Katniss blew it out Peeta, You have seen the footage" Caesar says quietly but this infuriates me, he was supposed to help me rescue Katniss' image, not condemn her as the enemy! This was my moment to say what I needed the people to believe.

"She didn't know what she was doing. None of us could follow Beetee's plan. You can see her trying to figure out what to do with that wire" I snap in retort, knowing that everyone has probably watched those moments hundreds of times.

"All right. It just looks suspicious, as if she was part of the rebel's plan all along" says Caesar and my eyes widen in disbelief.

Before I know it I'm on my feet, I need to get him to shut up with his opinions, I put both my arm on either side of his chair and put my face close to his. "Really? And was it part of her plan for Johanna to nearly kill her? For that electric shock to paralyse her?" I say forcefully and then I am yelling in desperation, "She didn't know Caesar! Neither of us knew anything expect that we were trying to keep each other alive!"

When I finish I am panting, It wasn't until this moment that I realise how desperate I am for those words to be true, as if the amount of certainty I said them with determined how true they were. I feel Caesar put his hand on my chest to slightly push me away and I try to calm myself down, hadn't I already decided that this side of Peeta wasn't going to be convincing.

"OK, Peeta, I believe you" Caesar says apologetically.

"OK" I say simply as I return to my chair, steadily my breaths and running my hands through my hair.

"What about you mentor, Haymitch Abernathy?" Caesar asks and I feel myself to go stiff, trying not to let me rage escape again.

"I don't know what Haymitch knew" I say honestly, but there is sourness in my tone.

"Could he have been part of the conspiracy?"

"He never mentioned it" this answer I provide means that I'm not exactly lying.

"What does your heart tell you" Caesar encourages, they must really want me to condemn Haymitch and a part of me wants to, but I wont because the truth is that I really don't know.

"That I shouldn't have trusted him, that's all" I say truthfully to myself more than Caesar.

Caesar looks at me again, as if taking in my mental stability and pats my shoulder, "We can stop now if you want." This brings about panic; I haven't had the chance to reach my main mission in sending a message to rebels so I press Caesar on.

"Was there more to discuss?"

"I was going to ask your thoughts on the war, but if you're too upset…" Caesar begins. Excellent, Snow has obviously instructed him to ask this exact question, knowing very well what my answer will be.

"Oh, I'm not too upset to answer that" I say confidently and take in a deep breath, I find the closest camera and look directly into it, "I want everyone watching – whether you're on the Capitol or the rebel side – to stop for just a moment and think about what this war could mean. For human beings. We almost went extinct fighting one another before. Now our numbers are even fewer. Our conditions more tenuous. Is this really what we want to do? Kill ourselves off completely? In the hopes that – what? Some decent species will inherit the smoking remains of the earth?"

"I don't really… I'm not sure if I'm following…" says Caesar but I cut him off and dumb down my words.

"We cant fight one another, Caesar. There wont be enough of us left to keep going. If everybody doesn't lay down their weapons – and I mean, as in very soon – its all over anyway" I finish, directing the last words directly to Katniss and 13.

"So you are calling for a cease-fire?" asks Caesar.

"Yes," I huff in exhaustion, "I am calling for a ceasefire. Now why don't we ask the guards to take me back to my quarters so I can build another hundred card houses?" I finish, indicating the end of my strength to press on with this conversation.

Caesar nods and draws the interview to an end and politely thanks me for my time, I give him a curt nod of the head and I am, as requested, escorted off the stage by guards. Snow is still waiting side stage but his expression is unreadable, was I good enough?

"When will you air the interview?" I ask and my guards me past him.

"In due time Peeta" he calls after me, "but until you succeed in your mission and the rebels have surrendered, enjoy your new quarters." And with take I am no longer taken to the lush room but as I previously expected I am escorted down the dungeons of the mansion, and shoved into a prison cell.


	5. Chapter 5

The ground is rough and jagged on my knees as I am slammed into it; upon the impact I feel that the icy, stone hard floor has sucked all heat from the cell leaving it with nothing but bitter coldness. I pick myself up, ignoring the aching in my kneecaps and observe my new quarters; metal bars cage sections of the room with three cages per side divided by the middle passage were the peacekeepers that threw me here exited. I conclude that this place is made for many but why am I currently the only one here? Initially I am unsure of whether the isolation is a benefit to my situation or another means of torment, but after hours of silence and freezing I find it to be the later. I purposely attempt to focus on the numbness in my hands as it spreads through my body, I do not feel up to considering the events on stage with Caesar and contemplating whether each of the words I used where the correct choice. I know if I scrutinize the situation too much I will pick up on all of the flaws I have made and this will only cause me to lose the only thing that I am currently clinging to, hope. Hope that Katniss is safe, hope that I will see her again, hope that this war will end and hope that this cell won't become my last reality. Despite my efforts my thoughts fall on some of the things that I might not ever get to see again, the colour of the sky at sunset, the warm smile of my father, the stroke of a paintbrush on canvas and the unique brightness of Katniss' beautifully grey eyes as she smiles. I attempt to feel slightly grateful for my vivid memory of such things and tell myself that even though I may never see these things again at least I will always have them here inside my head, safe from whatever torture I may face.

My pessimistic thoughts are diverted to a large amount of banging occurring somewhere above the room I am in and I begin to hear muffled yells that gradually become louder and more audible. A couple of seconds later a door slams open and I hear a number of footsteps coming down the staircase that joins to the hallway between the cells.

"Ha! Was that all you got Snow? You really think I ever going to tell you anything? You can lock me down here all you want you will never get me to talk you pathetic, sick bastard!" a familiar female voice bellows up the stairwell followed by the sound of a slamming door.

I stand up and move to the front of my cell with my hands on the bars and soon I see the person from whom the taunts came, Johanna Mason, looking injured, tired but yet still strong and determined as she is chucked into the cell to my left.

"And your peacekeepers are a bunch of weak bitches" she screams and she runs at the two men that are locking her cell door and first connects forcefully with one mans nose.

The man clutching his bleeding nose looks at her angrily "You just wait little girl, life is going to get a lot harder for you." he says coldly as he leads the other man up the stairs.

"Bring it on! Do your worst!" Johanna retorts in screams so full of fury that she sounds hysterical. She is so overcome with rage that she stands at the bars, clutching them for a long time while she seems to be steadying her breaths.

When her body goes slightly limp, all fight seemingly drained from her I move towards the bars that separate us.

"Johanna" I say softly as to not startle her, her head jerks around at my voice and her eyes widen as they take me in.

"Peeta!" she exclaims as she runs over to me and put hers arms through the bars to embrace me, "I didn't know that got you too" she says as she lets me go to take a good look at me.

"I'm okay" I say dismissively, " More importantly how are you?" I ask referencing to her blackening eye and bloody lips.

"I'm fine, just haven't been getting the best marks for participation" she smiles, but I can see her wince slightly. "I'm so sorry that they got you, I told them from the start the you should've been their first priority, but even though everyone was caught up on getting the girl out I still through that they wouldn't waste a second of not rescuing you as well."

"Johanna, why wasn't I told about any of this?" I ask, the hurt evident in my voice and I see her frown sympathetically.

"They thought it best not to inform you and Katniss, Snow was already watching you more than any of us" she says honestly looking me in the eye, "I know this must be really hard for you at the moment but it was for the best Peeta. I mean look at the situation we are stuck in now, they would have strapped you to that machine as well and I'm guessing that when they questioned you your results came out clean unlike mine. Trust me not knowing the plan has put you in a better position than me" she finishes pointing to her bruised eye.

I take in her words and feel a slight relief as one of the most maddening questions in my mind finally receives its answer. Katniss, like me, didn't know anything of the rebels plan. We were both ignorant, being played by others in this fight against the Capitol. Katniss didn't know anything about the rebel's intention, and this creates a new hope within me as it suddenly seems possible that Katniss will listen to my message and leave the rebels side. She doesn't trust that Snow will keep her family safe but I know that she does trust me and hopefully that trust in me extends enough to make her also trust Snow. I acknowledge that there is a slim chance that we both could end up with relatively happy lives, admittedly we would be puppets of the Capitol once again, but it is a small price to pay the safety of our families and us. All that is left now to do is wait and hope, that my message has its desired effect, but until then I have no idea what is going to happen.

"What do you think they are going to do to us?" I ask Johanna

"Well they want information about the rebels from me, and seeing as your still alive despite you lack of knowledge in that department my guess is that Snow has other plans for you" she says simply.

"Yeah he does" I say, "He wants me to stop the war, achieve a ceasefire from the rebels before things get worse."

Johanna huffs in disbelief, "Of course he does, too afraid to fight his own battles."

"Johanna I'm not the Capitols biggest fan, they have tried to killed the person I love twice now, but do you really think anyone could ever defeat them? The rebels are kidding themselves, and when they fail, they all will pay the price like they did 75 years ago."

Johanna looks at me intently now, "Peeta my knowledge of the rebels is limited, but from the small amounts I know I've gathered that they are pretty strong in numbers and weaponry. This has been planned for a while, I don't think they would be fighting unless they were ready.," she says quietly.

Before I even have the chance to consider this new information the door at the top of the stairs opens again and a group of peacekeepers descent into the room. Johanna and I separate to hide the fact that our recent conversation took place but the man with no mask at the front of the group eyes us suspiciously.

"It's been 12 hours since your call for the ceasefire with no response, you will be punished accordingly until said ceasefire has been achieved" the man says bluntly, articulating each word perfectly. I realize that he is speaking to me and before I have a chance to respond, four peacekeepers from the group enter my cell and hit me repeatedly with their fists and clubs. I grit my teeth as moans of pain escape my mouth as I endure the beating, doing my best to shield my face. I become unaware of everything else around me besides Johanna's screams of protest and the pain coursing through every inch of my skin. Soon Johanna's screams turn to those of agony and I catch a glimpse of guards giving her the same treatment as me.

"Stop!" I yell just before a fist connects with my jaw. I spit out a mouthful of blood before continuing, "The ceasefire is my mission, I'm the only one who should be punished!" I yell at the four men around Johanna as I get another blow in the kidney.

Suddenly the beating stops, I look over to see Johanna's attackers have ceased as well. The unmasked man has his right arm raised holding off his men, he looks at me and as lowers himself so he can meet my eyes, his face inches away from me, "Well think of her punishment as an extra incentive then boy" he spits in my face, and with that he gets up ad exits my cell and the room, the other guards following him. Johanna and I are left bloodied, and bruised on the floor of our cells, and I know that this experience is something we are both going to become accustomed too.


	6. Chapter 6

It is almost impossible to determine the number of days or weeks that pass, I figure that this is a contributing aspect to the torture they have been putting Johanna and I through, stripping us of all information around us besides our pain, hunger and screams. The only food they provide us is a meal of stale bread and off milk proportioned to be just enough to keep us alive, I use this to help determine time as I noticed the food is delivered twice in what I estimate to be roughly 24 hours. Even with this information Johanna and I are still both unsure of how long we have been trapped down here but our final estimation is roughly two weeks. Two weeks of repeated beatings, cries of pain and disgusting food. Even though during my time as a Victor I became accustomed to eating well, I was handling the rations of food now much better than Johanna as I had spent 15 years of my life being hungry in 12.

When we are giving food today I notice how Johanna scrambles over to the dish on the floor and finishes it before I even reach mine, she smashes the dish on the ground in frustration causing a loud metal clang to ring around the room.

"You know the beatings and stuff are fine but would it kill you bastards to give us a bit more food!" she screams putting her head in her hands, but her voice is weak and breaks under strain. I push my own plate toward the wall of bars separating us, she looks up at me and then shakes her head, "No Peeta, you can't keep giving me your food."

"Really Johanna I'm fine" I lie; she has had a tougher day today after receiving punishment for spitting on one of her peacekeeper attackers. I can see the fresh cuts on her head from where the razors that removed her hair purposefully got too close to her scalp. She acted like losing her hair didn't bother her but once we were left alone I could hear her crying in the corner of her cell, her hands on her exposed scalp. She smiles weakly at me and puts her hands through the bars and begins to eat.

"Katniss will never even begin to deserve you, after you both won your games I despised her but I couldn't hold a negative thought about you, you're just so… good." Johanna says struggling to find the words

"I don't think good is the correct words to describe someone who has killed" I say shortly.

"You only killed to protect the girl you love" she defends.

I begin to dispute her but I am stopped by the horribly familiar sound of the door at the top of the stairs opening. I feel my body tense and I shuffle away from my cell door. The unmasked man returns followed by his usual convoy of peacekeepers, when he stands in the middle of the hallway directly in front of my cell I see that he has a small smile across his face, I immediately know that things are about to get worse for Johanna and myself.

"Well, well aren't you two holding up well" he says smugly, earning a huff from Johanna's cell which only widens his smile, "well that is why I am here again so early, I know you probably weren't expecting me for another couple of hours," He begins to pace the hallway with heavy footsteps as all the peacekeepers stand in a line behind him. "But it is of general opinion that your current means of punishment are not an adequate to match your crimes against the Capitol…"

"Peeta hasn't done anything against you idiots!" Johanna cuts in, the man gives her a look but doesn't acknowledge her words and continues.

"So the consensus was of course to worsen your torture but then we hit another dilemma. The President has instructed that this one," he nods his head in Johanna's direction, "is to be left able to answers questions about the rebels and that you boy are to be left relatively camera ready incase you are required for another public address. But then I came up with a fantastic idea that keeps everyone happy. Physical torture for you," he says smiling coldly at Johanna, "and psychological torture for you." He finishes looking me in the eye.

I didn't think it was possible but I feel my body grow colder as I see his sadistic joy in this situation but I don't give him the satisfaction of any response and nor does Johanna.

"Bit quiet now are we?" he asks mockingly, but then he continues in a stern tone, "don't worry you wont be that way for long." With that he nods at the peacekeepers and they enter our cells.

I don't struggle or even attempt to move away from the men, I am either frozen in rage at my helplessness or in fear but the sight of a rather large syringe alarms me and this doesn't go unnoticed by the man.

"All will be answered soon enough." he says simply and with that I feel a sharp pain in the back on my neck similar to the pain of the tracker injection before each of my games.

I hear Johanna let out a gasp and I look over to see a similar syringe being withdrawn from the back of her neck as well. With that all other company exit the room leaving Johanna and I on the floor of our cells with stinging pains in the back of our necks. We are voiceless for a long while but it is me who breaks the silence.

"What do you think they have put in us?" I ask, voicing the question filling my mind.

"It won't be something good, but I guess we will find out," she says quietly.

And in a couple of hours we do when a peacekeeper returns to the cell carrying a large bucket of water which he chucks over Johanna, she starts to yell profanities at him but they are replaces by her shriek's of pain as her body falls to the floor and begins to convulse. It takes me a couple of seconds to put the pieces together before I realized she has been injected with something that was electrocuting her, the water only intensifying her pain. This lasts for at least half an hour, watching Johanna being repeatedly shocked for varying amounts of time and being unable to do anything but call her name through the bars and tell her to hang in there and that it would be over soon. While Johanna recovers I hold her hand through the bars and feel that her hands are still trembling.

"We need to get these things out of us" I think out loud and look desperately around our cell for anything jagged.

"Don't bother" say Johanna weakly, "even if we somehow managed to get them out they would just inject us with something even worse. At least we know what mine does now."

"And soon we will find out about mine" I say, "I guess that's another one of their ways to get to us, the fear of anticipating pain is just as bad as the pain itself."

Johanna doesn't reply, but we both know that its true and if this is the Capitol holding back with their torture techniques I dread to think of what they might do to us once we have no purpose. I wait tensely for any signs of my punishment but nothing occurs, no peacekeepers return and no pain is administered. I remember the man saying that my torture was to be psychological and find myself thinking that maybe this is it, the fear of the unknowing and constantly waiting for pain but never receiving, but that seems too anticlimactic for the Capitol's standards. As more time passes my worries are only dulled by exhaustion, all of the day's yelling and lack of food weren't helping in keeping me alert so I decide it's best to try and rest and take my torture whenever it comes. I lie down on the hard floor, rest my head on one of my arms and close my eyes; I can feel myself drifting off to sleep when I feel it. A sharp, quick stab of pain at the back on my neck, I sit up immediately and Johanna looks at me curiously.

"Something just shocked me" I say to her in confusion, "nothing like your shocks, just a quick jolt"

"They are probably just messing with you, try get some rest Peeta," she says yawning.

I sit still for a moment, trying to identify any other abnormalities in my body but I feel fine and eventually I take Johanna's advice and try to get to sleep again. This time I do not lie down but simply rest my back against the wall and shut my eyes. It takes longer to relax but eventually fatigue takes over and my head begins to fall to my shoulder when another shock startles me upright once again.

"It happened again," I say in annoyance. But then the pattern clicks and everything makes sense, "Johanna my torture is sleep deprivation, whatever they have got in me is shocking me awake everytime I fall asleep."

I see Johanna frown, "I don't put that past them"

Nor do I, I am determined to test my theory again and sure enough I am prevented from sleep repeatedly by the same sharp shock.

"Those bastards" I say to myself holding my hands over my eyes in frustration. Though my sleep was consumed with horrific nightmares of mutts and Katniss dying, it was my only escape from this cell and I know having that taken away from me was going to have its desired effect, I was going to suffer terribly.

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter :) Please review and let me know what you think of the torture techniques ive chosen for Peeta and Johanna, I'm dying to know whether you guys think the story is staying authentic to Mockingjay.**

**Thank you so much for reading :) **


	7. Chapter 7

Initially I was under the impression that I had gotten off easy, that between the choices of physical or mental suffering I would chose mental any day. Hearing Johanna's cries of agony as she was repeatedly shocked and having her head held submerged in a bucket of water almost to the point of drowning, and all I could do was be grateful that I was only having my ability to sleep stripped away. After what I presumed to be around 48 hours I was fidgety, restless and sore, but it was clear that I was in a much better state compared to Johanna who was at this time curled in a ball on the ground, occasionally twitching. As more time passed the soreness gradually turned into a dull ache that slowly spread to all of my muscles but still I was convinced I was lucky. The twice-a-day beatings had stopped, at least on my account, they still returned for Johanna beating her until to unconsciousness. Though I'm no longer on the receiving end of the abuse, the suffering I endure watching Johanna's pain is almost as unbearable; all I can do is hold her hand through the bars as she slowly recovers. Johanna does her best to look out for me as well by refusing to sleep to keep me company. Despite my protests she manages to stay awake for the first 40 hours but the electrocution and suffocating has taken its toll on her body and involuntary micro sleeps get the better of her.

The only way I can pass the time of my constant consciousness by thinking, of the games, of the rebels, of my family, but most of all of Katniss. A differing ache to that in all of my muscles occurs in my heart every time I think of her, an ache that is a mixture of longing, confusion, desperation and love. The memory of our kiss on the beach is the only thing that takes my mind completely off my exhaustion, hunger and soreness, if I concentrate hard enough on the memory I can almost fell her lips moving against mine. She had no idea of the effect she could have on me, the moment in our kiss in which I felt her lips form a smile and the way her grey eyes looked longingly into mine was enough to make me the happiest I've ever been in my life. Nothing about that moment felt wrong but the nagging thought at the back of my mind that it possibility still could have been fake almost destroys me. I remind myself that I will know soon, Katniss will have the chance to chose a life with me and I will finally know the way she truly feels, though this should calm me it does nothing but make me even more anxious.

I feel more and more time go by and every minute that passes brings more pain to my body and makes my fatigue more unbearable. I presume that I have gone without sleep for around 78 hours when my body really begins to fight for rest, my brain tries to make me sleep against my will but it only causes the familiar shock in the back of my neck. As this occurs over and over again frustration builds rapidly inside me and I find myself hitting my head against one of the bars.

"I can't sleep okay! So just stop trying to make me!" I yell at myself as I grip onto the bars in order to hold myself up.

Though I feel pathetic for screaming at myself it seems to have done the trick, my body attempts micro sleeps less frequently and I return to sitting with my head in my hands. I feel my hands shaking and do my best to stop them but it seems I no longer have control over them, I feel like I am fighting a constant battle for control over my body and I am losing.

"Stop it" I mummer to my hands as they cover my face, "Stop shaking I don't want you to be shaking, stop it!"

My yells eventually wake Johanna who approaches my cell concerned, "Peeta it's okay, calm down everything is okay" she says in a raspy voice.

"No it's not okay!" I retort back angrily, "I'm sick of not being able to control myself, my body isn't doing what I want it to do."

"Peeta is involuntary you can't help it"

"No something is wrong, I can't control what I'm doing Johanna something is happening to me," I say forcefully as I feel my breathing deepen and quicken.

"Peeta calm down everything is fine, your just being paranoid," Johanna says slightly louder but all I can do is scream into my hands.

I don't know how long I shout for but by the pain in my throat I presume it has been a long time, now all I can do is be silent and do my best to remain in control of my body. I am voiceless and immobile as I witness another two of Johanna's torture sessions and all I can do is focus on keeping my hands from shaking and my mouth from screaming. Later when Johanna passes out from exhaustion I see a black figure in the corner of my eye and this startles me, with my heart racing I look around the cell to find it still empty besides Johanna and myself. I am still observing the room when I see it again in my peripheral vision, this time I am certain so with all my effort I stand up.

"Who's there?" I ask the room and I for a long moment I get no response until I hear a door slam. The sound is so loud and clear that I stagger backwards frightened, waiting to see the peacekeepers enter our cells but they never come. I look at Johanna surely the noise was loud enough to wake up but yet she still is still asleep.

"Johanna" I hiss at her and she slowly opens her eyes.

"Peeta, what is wrong?" she mummers, looking at me warily.

"Shh" I demand, "Listen, someone is coming"

I hear the sound of heavy footsteps coming from directly above and the door slamming open again but no one enters our quarters. Anxiously I walk to the door of my cell and look up the stairs but I still can't see the cause of the noise.

"Peeta what is going on with you?" Johanna's voice interrupts my concentration.

I see the black figure again in the corner of my eye and I jerk my head around violently to catch full sight of it, "Did you see that?" I ask Johanna still looking around.

"I didn't see anything," she says confused, looking around the room as well.

"Did you hear all the noise?"

"Peeta I haven't heard a thing?" she says plainly.

I meet her eyes and see concern mixed with confusion, I realize that I am breathing hard and sweating and do my best to calm myself down.

"Peeta" Johanna says soothingly as she moves towards me, "look at me," she demands and I obey, "there are no sounds, there is nothing here, your just tired Peeta. Your mind is playing tricks on you."

I nod, not entirely convinced but yet still slightly calmed by her words and try to regulate my breathing.

"All right, here is what we are going to do, we are going to sit down and I am going to stay awake and keep you company" she says grabbing my arm and pulling me down to the ground. I begin to protest but she cuts me off, "and your going to listen to my complain about how much I hate the bastards that are doing this to us."

I give a half hearted smile and Johanna does exactly what she says, though her eyes droop and she yawns frequently she talks and I put all my attention into listening to her words and calming myself down. Johanna talks of her games and her times as a victor and a mentor, she talks about the trees back in her district, she talks about how she burnt her house the victors village down, and she doesn't stop talking until the peacekeepers return.

"Well don't you two look cozy," the man says smugly, "well it's your lucky day because you two now have company."

I watch the Peacekeepers push the two people into the cells directly opposite mine and Johanna's, though the visibility in the room is poor I have no trouble in distinguishing our new company. The red hair tells me that we have now been joined by the avoxes that served Katniss and myself during the Quarter Quell, one of them being Darius the ex-peacekeeper from District 12.

"Meet Darius and Lavinia" the man says cheerfully, "But I'm sure Peeta recognizes you both seeing as he is the reason you're both here."

Well that just confirmed my worst thoughts; they were going to punish these poor innocent people, who had already suffered immensely, simply due to their association with me.

"You see, we have torture restricting with the both of you, but these two are worthless and all the things we can't do to you we are going to do to them" the man says brightly.

Hatred consumes me as I stare at the man, "This is sick. You people disgust me."

But this only makes his smile wider, "Good." He nods at the guards who retreat up the stairs and return with two malicious looking chairs, I see they have arm and leg restraints attached to them along with an arrange of electrodes attached to wires. "Do you like it?" the man asks Johanna, "I do. This was designed specifically for you girl, but Presidents orders, we have to trial them first and that's where you two come in handy."

Darius keeps his composure and simply stares directly in front of him but the girl however, Lavinia, starts crying and strange noises escape her mouth. Her moment of fear and weakness only makes things worse for her as the guards strap her into the chair in her cell. They waste no time, as soon as she is connected to the wires one of the guards arranges a dial and presses a button. Lavinia lets out a horrific noise of pain as her whole body shakes then becomes a familiar limp, I've seen death enough times to recognize it. This breaks Darius, he runs to the bars between then and tries to reach for her but it's too late.

"What the hell did you do?" the man demands to the guard who pushed the button, "No wonder you killed her look how at the amount of current you chose." The guards remove the restraints from the corpse and the man approaches her, "Oh well." He says pushing her body dismissively to the floor; "I guess it's your turn now" he finishes looking at a crying Darius.

They do not make the same mistake twice, the guard lowers the current to an excoriating, but survivable, amount. Though the man acted unfazed about the girl's death I could tell it angered him that she suffered so little and he was going to make up for it with Darius' suffering. I turn out to be right, Darius is electrocuted so frequently that there is rarely a moment passes that isn't filled with his noises of pain. I watch in horror and for the first 3 hours I yell at the guards, shout profanities at them, try to hit them through the bars but all my efforts are useless, I'm only providing them with the reaction they want. My fatigue has reached the point where I can no long stand, my knees cave in and I fall to ground, the pain in all my limbs is at the point of being intolerable. I look up and Darius and watch his head fly back in agony as he receives another shock and then all of a sudden I am no longer looking at Darius but Katniss, watching her limbs shake as the electricity courses through her body. Terror fills me and I scramble to the bars. Katniss screams fill the cell and are more painful to bear then anything else I was experiencing.

"Katniss!" I scream, extending my arms through the bars trying to reach her. I look towards Johanna and she is curled up in a ball with her hands clamped over her ears, trying to shut out the world. I look back over to Katniss but see Darius once again, but then there she is, replacing the guard pressing the button. I watch her turn the dial higher and her finger hit the button.

"Katniss! What are you doing?" I scream at her, but she presses the button again and simply looks at me and laughs. "Katniss stop it! You're killing him!" But all she does is laugh and press the button, over and over again, and all I do is yell at her to stop.

"What the hell is wrong with him" I faintly hear one of the guard's mummers.

"He hasn't slept for a week, my guess is he's hallucinating" I barely catch this response but it doesn't make sense to me. All I am aware of is that Katniss is torturing Darius, her friend, and she is enjoying it.

She looks at me smiling, "I don't care that this is happening to him, or you. I don't care about any of this," and she presses the button again.

Her words hit me like a blow to the chest, I can't handle this anymore. I resort to following Johanna's example by moving to the back of my cell and shutting my eyes and covering my ears. I'm not sure of how much time passes with me like this but when I finally open my eyes the guards are gone and Darius lies unconscious, still restrained in his chair. My mind is cloudy with exhaustion but yet I still try and decipher the events that I've seen take place but I find myself struggling to remember whether or not things actually occurred. Darius' body across from me confirms that he was tortured repeatedly by electrocution but I'm still unsure of whether this was Katniss' or the Capitol's doing. I remember hearing one of the guards mention hallucinations but I am doubtful of this, everything felt so real. It is possible that my unconscious doubts of Katniss' motives combined with my exhaustion and depression caused me to imagine seeing her hurting Darius but I still am unsure. I feel control slipping away from me; I feel my brain trying rest so I mentally prepare myself for another of the shocks in my neck. However, nothing comes, I drift slowly into unconsciousness still waiting to be dragged away from it but I'm not, I shut my eyes and for the first time in more than a week I sleep.

It feels like only moments until a guard pulling my cell down open wakes me but the effect the rest has had on me is evident, my muscles still burn with pain and my hands still shake, but my mind is clearer and my thoughts aren't as hazy. I realize that they weren't doing me a favour by letting me get a small amount of rest, all it has achieved is that I am now more conscious of the pain my body is in and of the miserable thoughts I was trying to ignore.

"Get up boy. The President wants to see you."

**Sorry for the delay in uploading this chapter, I had to some research into sleep deprivation as a torture technique and the physical and psychological effects it has on people (not the nicest research to be doing). But I hope the detail and the length of this chapter make up for my delay :) **

**What did you guys think? I know it this chapter was pretty dark and depressing but I wanted Peeta broken before the hijacking begins. I think the hijacking only worked so fast and well because Peeta was already damaged and because a part of him was already uncertain about what was real and what wasn't. But let me know what you think :)**

**The next chapter is Peeta watching Katniss' district 8 propo, how do you think he is going to react when he see's that Katniss has ignored his words and he sees that she is really working for the rebels?**


	8. Chapter 8

As soon as the door at the top of the staircase opens I am blinded by light, I can feel my pupils constrict as my eyes try and adjust from the dull lighting of my cell to this lighting in the mansion. The guard pushes me in the back where I have both hands cuffed and forces me forward, my muscles throb with each step I take but I am desperate to get to my destination, to Snow; to find out whether I have succeeded. When I am shoved into room I am unsurprised to find it empty except for an armchair, which I presume isn't for me, and a large television. I hear the door open and turn around, Snow strides into the room looking me dead in the eye and takes a seat.

"Ah Peeta, you look horrible." he says sympathetically but he contradicts this by wearing a smile.

"Yeah, thanks for that." I say bitterly, my trembling hands form fists behind my back.

"Now now Peeta, it's only standard practice. You were associated in a plan to defy the Capitol, punishment is a must for such a thing." Snow says matter-of-factly, the smile gone from his features.

"Sure" I say indifferently, "So are you going to tell me whether my interview worked?" I try not to let the panic I feel be evident in my voice and continue to stare into Snow's eyes.

The smile returns, "I'd much rather show you. The whole of Panem, including the rebels and Miss Everdeen, saw your interview with Caesar and heard your pledge of Miss Everdeen's innocence and your plea for a ceasefire,"

"And?" I cut in impatiently.'

"And the rebels have filmed a response which has aired to all the Districts but not in the Capitol itself"

"Then how have you seen it?" I demand, furious at the fact that I might not get any answers from this meeting,

"Please Peeta, I am the President of Panem. I am aware of everything that occurs in my country" Snow says forcefully.

"What was the rebels response?" I ask briskly.

"Why don't you see for yourself" Snow finishes coldly just as the television comes to life.

My heart flutters as I see Katniss' face on the large screen, looking healthy and vibrant, but my heart drops as I take in the background of smoke and fire, that doesn't look like a fitting setting for a side agreeing to a ceasefire.

"I just want to tell the rebels that I'm alive. That I'm right here in District 8, where we have just bombed a hospital full of unarmed men, women and children. There will be no survivors." Katniss voice rings in my head as I struggle to take in each of her horrible words, visual proof of Katniss' statement is shown on the screen and I watch a large warehouse collapsing in a fiery mass. "I want to tell people that if you think for one second there will be a ceasefire, you're deluding yourself." I watch in horror and refuse to accept what I am seeing but the pain in my heart only proves to me that I've failed. I didn't think it was possible to feel more hurt but as the recording continues I see images of Katniss in action, shooting explosive arrows, but worst of all I see that she is with Gale, the two of them working together in blowing up the hospital full of the innocent. "If we burn, you burn with us!" are the last words I hear Katniss' voice roar in fury and then the screen turns off. My brain runs overtime as I try to make sense of the awfulness I just witnessed, not only did my plea for a ceasefire get ignore, Katniss was openly demonstrating that she was on the rebels side, completely destroying the chance I provided her with the image of being innocent in all of this. Snow clears his throat impatiently, looking for a response from me, but I cannot make one, I am too shocked, too hurt to even move.

"Well it seems Miss Everdeen has no interest in having a life with you seeing as she just, very clearly, chose a side. A side that includes that handsome boy from your district, Mr. Hawthorn I believe his name to be." Snow says and there is no hiding the smugness in his voice.

His words have their intended effect; I fell as if a knife has been lodged through my back piercing my heart. He was right, Katniss made her choice, the choice she was always going to make, a life with Gale, not with me.

"Evidentially your words with Caesar did not work, you have failed in both achieving a ceasefire and convincing the people that Miss Everdeen is innocent" Snow spoke like a judge reading out a sentence.

"No I haven't!" I intrude, "Give me another chance," I beg.

"I don't see what that will accomplish"

I think quickly, Katniss may have given up on me but I wasn't going to give up on protecting her. The rebels were sure to lose this war and I know that I need to do everything I can so that when that happens the Capitol will spare Katniss. "Give me another interview with Caesar, I'll tell the people that Katniss is being used by the rebels… I'll warn her to make sure she is acting on her own accord and not under duress."

Snow considers my proposition for a long moment, "It can be arranged, and even if she is working with them on her own accord it wont hurt to put some doubts in her head of who she can trust."

I sigh with relief, but Snow continues, "But seeing how Miss Everdeen is not interested in seeing you looking healthy and well we might as well show you as you are now; a weak and damaged boy… see if that can get any emotion out of her towards you. You interview with Caesar will be arranged, until then you will be taken back to your cell." Snow says and two guards immediately enter the room and take me back to the cold, miserable cell where Johanna is unconscious on the floor.

I fell my whole body shaking uncontrollably and I know it has nothing to do with the cold; I still have the images of the burning warehouse in my mind and Katniss' words of war ringing in my ears. Could she have really of bombed innocent people? I don't believe it, but the footage shows otherwise. I reassure myself that there is a good chance that I could be right in that Katniss is being forced into doing the rebels bidding, the same way she was forced to do the Capitol's on our Victory tour. I was right when I said that Katniss would always do whatever she needed to keep those she loved safe and maybe even to the point of killing innocent people for the rebels. This reassures me slightly but there is something nagging at me, the footage of Katniss was so real and her words so powerful… and Katniss isn't that good of an actress, in fact, she isn't good at acting at all. I shake my head as if to remove the doubts from it and consider what I heard on the television once again. "If we burn, you burn with us," was that the rebel's tactic? To destroy each of the districts, knowing full well that they are what provide the Capitol, in hopes that their destruction will consequentially cause the destruction of the Capitol? It seemed like the only logical explanation to why they would be attacking Districts.

After a couple of hours I feel as though I never had that quick moment of sleep and I feel back to being in a state of escalating weakness. My joints and muscles are throbbing in agony now more than ever; the coldness of the floor flooding through my body only causes the pain to intensify. I constantly rub my eyes in frustration; trying to force them to remain open as more and more time passes. Johanna regains consciousness and I fill her in on what Snow showed me but she seems pleased with the rebels efforts then she returns to lying down on the stone hard floor. We are provided with our usual meal of staples but I find myself repulsed by the thought of consuming food and push the bowl towards Johanna's cell. More time passes and I am hit with a pounding headache that clouds all of my thoughts rendering me unable to think of anything else besides the throbbing in my temples. I can actually feel my body beginning to fail as the exhaustion slowly destroys it but all I can do is sit as still as possible to not aggravate my aching muscle or heighten the pain in my head. The headache eventually causes me to be sick however my body has nothing throw up; I realize that it probably has been days since I have touched any food. Hours later when the headache finally begins to dull I return my thoughts to Katniss and the rebels. It feels like so long ago when I experienced the relief upon finding out that Katniss wasn't in on the rebels plan and hope ignited within me that she would listen to my message. I realize how stupid I was for deluding myself into having this hope, just because Katniss wasn't a part of the rebels plan in taking down the arena didn't mean she wasn't on their side. Once again I find that I am still uncertain of everything, but the one thing I am certain of is that I need do as I planned and continue to protect Katniss.

I wait for the guards to return to take me to get ready for my interview but when they finally come they are dragging Darius back into his cell. He is bruised and bloody and I don't want to think of what they have been doing to him. At least his cell no longer has that horrible chair in it so maybe that part of his torture is over at least. Darius falls to the floor with a loud thud, barely conscious, I notice a large sword in one of the guard's hands and dread fills me once again.

"Common boy, time for you to go get pretty." one of the guards say as they slide open my cell door.

I move forward without a sound, my eyes still flickering between Darius and the sword, as I reach the hallway one of the guards holds out a hand to block me moving forward.

"But before we go. The President has requested that we give you extra incentive to do your job tonight" the guard says distinctly and I watch in horror as the guard with the sword slams it into the ground, cutting off four of Darius' finger on his left hand, he lets out a horrific sound of pain as blood pours from the stumps of his fingers. "Next time it will be his head that comes off." The guard finishes and I am left speechless in complete terror as they force me up the stairs toward my interview.

**There we go :) I always end up writing these chapters at around 2am so I apologize for any mistakes ive made out of exhaustion (I'm just getting in touch with Peeta's sleep deprivation haha)**

**Now don't worry I am very aware that I haven't gotten Katniss' propo word or word from the book, I just thought that the Capitol would only show Peeta footage that makes Katniss look bad and edit it so that her and the rebels are perceived as the villains. What did you guys think?**

**Thank you to all those who have followed or favourited my story it really means the world to me and I hope you enjoy what I've got planned for future chapters.**


	9. Chapter 9

The cover me in the thinnest layer of makeup I have ever had, it is obvious that they are only going to the effort as to not scare the Capitol citizens with injured appearance; but as Snow said they are making no attempt to hide the fact that I am exhausted and in excruciating pain. As soon as I reach the stage I notice that the theatrics have been removed from the set, no fancy light, no flashy screens, only the usual two chairs and Caesar Flickerman. There is no hiding the shock that momentarily takes over Caesar's features as he takes in my damaged exterior, he recovers quickly and offers me a seat.

"Ah Peeta how have you been enjoying your time in the Capitol so far?" Caesar asks with a wide smile.

It takes all my will to not scoff but I manage a fake smile and reply honestly, "It's definitely has been something I'll never forget."

"Been making good use of our showers have we?" he adds with a wink.

"Not nearly as much as I should be Caesar." I reply shortly, the smile gone from my features.

"Well we have definitely enjoyed having you stay here with us, haven't we?" Caesar asks the rather small audience, earning cheer, which I try my best to smile at.

"So Peeta, it only feels like yesterday when you were on this stage telling us all about that last night in the arena, imploring to us that Katniss wasn't working with the rebels, that she was as clueless as you were in the plan to destroy the arena. But there are rumors now that Katniss is tapping messages for the rebels to show to the Districts, what do you have to say about that?."

I do not hesitate in replying, "They're using her, obviously. To whip up the rebels. I doubt she even really knows what's going on in the war. What's at stake." I say simply, trying my best to hide my shaking hands from the camera, I need to look stable if anyone is going to believe me.

"Is there anything you'd like to tell her?" Caesar asks, obviously he has been instructed by Snow to waste no time in asking this question, so I waste no time in answering it.

"There is," I say as I look directly into the camera, directly at Katniss miles away, "Don't be a fool Katniss. Think for yourself, They've turned you into a weapon that could be instrumental in the destruction of humanity," They have turned you into a piece of their games I think to myself, "If you've got any real influence, use it to put the breaks on this thing. Use it to stop the war before its too late. Ask yourself, do you really trust the people you're working with? Do you really know what's going on? And if you don't… find out."

As soon as I finish speaking the stage manager calls a wrap and the stage is full of crewmembers, Caesar quickly says a polite goodbye to me before he is taken off the stage and I see that all the audience members are being rushed out. They aren't wasting time, this was set up purely for me to say what I needed to and now that I've done so I am taken away.

The trips to the stage give me a good indication as to what time of the day it is and I guess it now to be around late afternoon so I except to be taken back to my cell however the guards take me to another section of the mansion. We are still underground, I can tell by lack of natural lighting and windows but this place is unnaturally clean and white, a stark contrast to the darkness and grime of the cells and I find myself wondering how big this place must be. My hands are not cuffed but a guard holds them firmly against my back, 2 months ago and I could have easily fought him off but in the state I am in now I'm lucky that I'm still managing to walk on my own accord. As we enter a new hallway our path is blocked by a man in a long white coat, similar to the one the people were wearing when I first awoke here in the Capitol.

"From this point on your presence is no longer necessary" the man says to the Peacekeeper, he lingers for a moment and then releases me and walks out of the hallway. I bring my hands in front of me and rub them as I take in the man, he doesn't look malicious but at this point I'm suspicious of every person I encounter in this place.

"Good afternoon Peeta, my name is Doctor Vincent" he says politely but all I do is stare at him, "Follow me, and I encourage you not to consider doing anything else but that or my hospitable nature won't last long."

I frown; I wasn't considering anything, even if I managed to get away from this man where would I go? But I continue in my silence and do as I'm told. He eventually leads me to a room full of people also clothed in white, I look around the rather large space and see that it contains a number of medical machines, a television positioned on the roof directly above a large hospital bed. I immediately begin to panic, what were they planning on doing with me now?

"You don't have to worry Peeta" Dr. Vincent says as he indicates for me to take a seat on the bed, "We are all here to help you."

"I doubt that" I say bluntly not moving.

"Listen Peeta, We are not a part of your punishment arrangement, we have no interest in harming you. It is my job to make sure there are no permanent detrimental effects on your physical and mental health."

"Then maybe you should start by talking to the people in charge of my sleep deprivation" I spit out.

"I already have. Now if you would kindly lie down we can start by taking the device out of the back of your neck"

I hesitate for a moment, but then I realize that I don't exactly have a choice, there has to be at least 5 medics in the room, which are all surely equipped with sedatives if I am being difficult. I lie down on my stomach and I feel a quick stab of a needle in my neck, which one of the medics explains to me, is morphling. I was assured that the device preventing me of sleep was simple to remove but they were still required to make a fairly large cut in the back of my neck to get to it, followed by a neat set of stitches. I lie still for all of this and let myself have a moment of hope that these people actually were trying to help me. When they finish I lie on my back and a women puts two tubes in me, one joining to my hand attached to a bag of clear liquid, which I presume to be giving me all the nutrients I've missed from not eating for days, the other is joined to my forearm is attached to a bag of a pale green liquid.

"Now I have been told that you have experienced over a week with no sleep, can you describe to me your symptoms," Dr. Vincent asks but when I give no response he continues, "Peeta is you don't talk to us we can't help you."

"I can't stop my hands from taking, my muscles and joints are killing me, I keep getting headaches and I have completely lost my appetite," I say honestly looking up at the television on the ceiling.

Dr Vincent scribbles down on a notepad, "Well each of those should be cured as your body gets back into its regular sleep cycle. Now tell me have to noticed any impairments in your cognitive abilities?"

I think for a long moment, "I guess so…" I say slowly, "My minds been pretty muddled."

Dr Vincent smiles, "Well that's what we are going to work on today," But I am distracted by one of the bags attached to my tube

"What is that?" I ask indicating the green liquid.

"Nothing you need to worry about, it's only there for us to use in certain situations," he says pointing out a small part of the tube that was working to currently block the liquid from reaching my body.

I am wary of the substance, "Is it a sedative?" I ask turning my head to look at him.

"Of sorts. But Peeta, back to what I was saying… we are going to start small. All I want you to do now is recall a memory and describe it to us in every detail you remember." Dr Vincent says as he takes a seat next to my bed.

"Okay…" I stay as I return to staring at the blank television.

"Now Peeta, I want you to close your eyes and think of a memory, and dictate everything that comes to your mind can you do that?"

"What memory?" I ask, slightly confused.

"Oh I'm not sure, some important moment… Let's say, the moments of you winning your first Hunger Games."

I shut my eyes and allow the images to come to my mind and they appear all to easily. I see Cato falling from the Cornucopia and hear his screams of pain as the mutts tear him limb from limb. I do as I am told; I word every detail to Dr Vincent as they come to my mind.

"I remember it taking so long and Katniss and I had to wait and listen to all of it, it was horrible" I say shuddering at the memory, I do not receive any responses from the Doctor so I continue. "Then I remember being overjoyed, Katniss and I had won, we would both be going home… but then the announcement came and as soon as I heard Claudius' voice I knew that it was too good to be true. I wanted to die for Katniss, I was happy to… but then she grabbed the handful of berries…" I see it clearly in my mind; I see the dull purple deadly fruit on her palm, the look in her eye telling me to trust her… I hear us slowly count to three, close our eyes and raise the berries to our mouth. On three I am certain that this will be the end, that I will die there with the girl I love but then the announcement startles me telling me to stop. I sigh of relief before I get a chance to open my eyes but when I do I see Katniss looking at me with horrified eyes and see her swallow the berries.

"Katniss no!" I shout but its too late, I can see the life fading from her eyes and her body drops from to the ground. I see myself scrambling to her, grabbing her and holding her limp body. "Katniss!" I scream at her but I receive no response. What was happening? I am so frozen in fear I can't open my eyes, the memory so clear, so vivid in my mind that I can physically feel pain throughout my body. As I hear myself continue to scream everything slowly turns black and I begin to hear the voices of the medics around me.

"Well that didn't work," I faintly hear a female voice say, "His biggest fear is losing her we should have seen that coming." I can hear the words but I am still so startled from the awful images in my mind to really take them in.

"It's alright, I will handle this" I hear Doctor Vincent's voice and then I feel the blackness fade as I slowly open my eyes.

I feel my whole body shaking, my heart pounding against my ribs, "What happened?" I ask my voice breaking, "What is going on?" I ask hastily, looking around at the other medics who all wore expressionless faces.

"Peeta calm down. I apologies we should have seen this coming, we didn't want for you to find out like this…" I hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Wha…" I begin but Dr Vincent continues.

"This substance you were interested in, it does have a sedative effect but it also has a purpose to revealing repressed or tampered memories."

I frown and shake my head, "I don't understand, I never repressed that memory… I mean that's not even what happened…"

"You are correct about one thing Peeta, you did not repress that memory… Dr. West here did for you." Dr. Vincent says softly nodding towards a medic to his left.

I shake my head again, not wanting to listen to anymore of their nonsense, "No. You people are crazy, take me back to my cell" I demand, my voice growing louder with every word, I attempt to get up but before I even lift myself an inch a needle is jabbed into my arm and my body immediately relaxes and falls limp on the bed.

"Peeta during your games it is no secret that Katniss was the favourite to win. When the gamemakers introduced the idea that two victors could be crowned never for a moment did they planning on letting the two of you leave alive. The plan was for you two to be the last tributes, which you were, and for them to revoke the rule, which they did, and for you to sacrifice yourself and let Katniss be the victor, which you were about to do when Katniss threw us all with that handful of berries. Never for a second did anyone actually think Katniss would eat the poisonous fruit so when she did the gamemakers had to act fast or they would have had a lot of angry citizens on their hands… so they immediately altered the footage and sent the hovercraft to retrieve both of you."

"So you're trying to tell me that Katniss died in the arena?" I say and though I am trying to convince myself that they are lying, the vivid memory keeps creeping into my thoughts making me doubtful.

"Not exactly, the berries had almost killed her when we got to both you, but on the Presidents orders everything was done in order to make sure Katniss Everdeen stayed alive."

"That's impossible…" I say, more to myself than anyone else.

"Is it Peeta? You have no idea of what us medics here in the Capitol are capable of; it was easy reprogramming Katniss' brain, working to fix the damaged those berries caused to her neurons. We made her as good as new, reprogrammed her with one sole purpose, to preserve her own life so that we wouldn't have a repeat of her suicide attempt."

I feel my heart begin to pound; it can't be true, can it? The memory is so fresh in my mind that I can see the moment where Katniss' body falls to the ground over and over again.

"Everything was fine, the whole country saw the altered footage where both you and Katniss win, no body would suspect a thing… The only problem that remained was you; you were so frantic when they reached you they had to sedate you. As soon as they fixed your injuries and performed the amputation on your leg Dr. West here was in charge of altering your memory of the event so that you remembered this," The television screen turned on and showed those last moments in arena, I watch us both raise the berries to our mouth and both of us stop and embrace as they announce that we are both victors.

"That's what I thought happened," I say uncertainly.

"I did my job well Peeta" says the man Dr. Vincent pointed out before, Dr. West, "You were so desperate for it to be true it helped me completely repress the memory of the true events. Until now that is."

Despite the sedative still coursing through my veins I can feel my breathing beginning to quicken, my hands start to tremble and my heart rate increases… I can physically feel my world beginning to fall apart. I want to object, to protest, and to deny everything they had said and everything I was now thinking, but I can't manage any words. Once again I find myself being uncertain about almost everything in my life, only this time I do not want the uncertainty to be clarified. If what these people are saying is the truth then I do not want to hear anymore of it because each word destroys me to the point of no repair, but I have a feeling that I'm not going to have a choice in the matter… I am going to be informed completely, and I am never going to be able to recover from it.

**Well there we are… the longest chapter yet, a small belated Christmas present to all of you wonderful people… on that topic I hope you all had fantastic Christmas' wherever you are in the world :)**

**Now as much as I worship Suzanne Collins with my life, she made this chapter ridiculously difficult to write… the one thing I couldn't wrap my head around all the times ive read Mockingjay was the how the Capitol made Peeta believe that Katniss isn't human, that she was a mutt they created… This never made any sense to me and I couldn't begin writing this fanfiction until I had came up with my own reasonable explanation to this, but alas I did :) The only explanation that I could come up with that seemed realistic was what I used in this chapter, that the Capitol tricked Peeta into thinking that they messed around with Katniss after the first games and unknowingly turned her into this monster that is willing to kill thousands in order to save herself. But enough of what I think, what did you guys think of it? Better yet.. did anyone face the same difficulty I did with the whole Katniss/Mutt thing when reading Mockingjay? If so I am open to hearing any other theories of how the Capitol managed to convince Peeta that Katniss isn't human**

**Hope you liked the chapter and hope you all have a happy new years eve :)**


	10. Chapter 10

They keep me in the room for a whole day, feeding me, testing my vitals but most predominately asking continuous questions about my memories of Katniss.

"Peeta, think back… do you remember any times after your first games where Katniss' behaviour has been different?" Dr Vincent asks me.

I consider his question and rack through my memories, "I'm not sure? Not really… I mean I don't remember" I conclude honestly. At this moment my mind is in such a mess of thoughts and questions that I struggle to recall almost any memory of Katniss.

I hear Dr Vincent's sigh and role my head to the side to look at him,

"This is as we thought would happen Peeta… Let me guess, when you try and recall an event from your memory it is inconsistent and incomplete?"

I frown, "Well yeah…" I say slowly

"It is because this time you have actually been unconsciously repressing unpleasant or traumatic recollections on your own accord… the human brain makes us forget things that it perceives we are unfit to deal with, its one of the most common coping mechanisms."

I sigh and then look at the liquid drip attached to my forearm, "Let me guess, your going to use whatever that stuff is" I nod to the green liquid, "that has the ability to reveal repressed memories to make me remember all the things my brain has tried to make me forget?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Exactly. So what we are going to do is show you footage that will act as a cue to your memories and then see if we can reveal any related repressed information about that event." Dr Vincent says smiling as if I'm about to participate in a routine check up.

I turn my head toward the screen and feel sweat begin to form on my palms, I wanted to run from this situation and not face the things my brain has chosen to hide from me. As if reading my thought I feel restraints put on my hands, legs and torso… all I can do is look directly in front of me at the screen and wait to see what memory that are going to target.

When the screen comes to life I am not faced with footage from the games of any of my interviews like I was expecting, instead I watch what appears to be security footage of a train… Our train by the looks of it, the camera doesn't move, it only captures the stationary image of a hallway where I watch myself come through one of the doors… I am in a rush and run through the hallway out of view of the first camera but then the screen shows a different camera angle where I see myself run into another room… Katniss'. The footage is then fast-forwarded and I leave the room in the morning. I watch this occurrence over and over again but I can tell I'm watching different occasions as my clothing changes or I enter and exit at different times. Then I see Katniss and Effie having a conversation outside the front of her room and I am surprised to find that the footage now contains volume.

"Katniss whatever you and Peeta want to do in your love life is completely your business but I don't think parading the fact that your sleeping together is very lady like" Effie scolds looking a bit uncomfortable with the topic.

"I'm sorry Effie. You're right, we will try and be more discreet in the future." Katniss says before entering her room again.

The footage fast-forwards again and then I see Katniss and I at the front of her door where she smiles and pulls me into her room with her and then I see the door shut and then the screen goes blank. I look around expectantly waiting for something else to happen. Just as I am about to speak the screen turns on again but this time I see Caesar and myself in my interview before the Quarter Quell.

"I wouldn't have any regrets at all if it weren't…" I say looking hesitant.

"If it weren't for what Peeta?"

"If it weren't for the baby" I finish, I hear the gasps from the audience but then the screen goes blank again.

I frown as I take in what I've just seen, I am certain that the recordings I just watched match my memories but then I remember Dr. Vincent's words, that the footage is only the first half of the process… there is still a chance my minds missed something… but then I slowly put the pieces together.

"The baby" I say out loud, the horror evident in my voice, "No." I shake my head, the footage was implying that the baby was real; I shake my head again, "No."

"Peeta, just calm down. Just close you eyes and think, the serum will do the rest of the work" I hear Dr Vincent say.

I hesitate, my heart pounding, but do as I'm told. I close my eyes and recall all of those times I entered Katniss' room just as I saw on the video but my thoughts recall what happened behind closed doors. I can feel the fear rising inside of me as I watch myself walk over to Katniss and pull her into a tight embrace, I see her grab her face and pull my lips to hers. I respond with a grunt of pleasure as we both fall to her bed, limbs intertwined, lips locked. Terror fills me as my thoughts jump to a new scene of Katniss running to Haymitch as he informs her they won't cancel the games. Katniss screams in anger and storms out of the room.

"But the baby?" I ask Haymitch but he simply shakes his head in sorrow and walks away.

I run and find Katniss in the dining cart, pour liquor down her throat, I rush towards her and grab the bottle from her shaking hands.

"What are you doing?" I demand horrified

"What does it look like I'm doing, I need to get rid of this thing inside of me" she spits back at me, reaching for the bottle desperately.

"But Katniss…" I say, the hurt evident in my voice.

"What Peeta!" she yells, "Didn't you hear Haymitch, they aren't cancelling the games, the baby didn't work!"

I see myself stumble backwards as her words hit me like a blow, "That's all it was to you? A plan?" I ask weakly as I look her eyes.

"Of course it was" she spits and with that she snatches the bottle from my hands.

I can't take it anymore, I open my eyes but those last thoughts of Katniss destroying our baby still fill my mind. I feel my body trembling and feel tears drip down my face as I look toward Dr Vincent.

"The baby, she killed it… but why? Why would she do that?" I can barely get the words from my mouth.

"Peeta when the medics had to work to fix all the damage the poison from those berries did to Katniss' brain President Snow gave clear orders that alterations to Katniss were to be made to ensure she wouldn't attempt to take her life again… The medics made the alteration so successfully that the President soon became uneasy about keeping Katniss alive after she fulfilled her purpose on the Victory Tour; it is true that these games were intended as a means of killing Katniss and I think she was more then aware of that. Katniss knew that her best chance of surviving was to get the games canceled, and what better way then a pregnancy. She is a smart girl, she would've know that the medics would check to see if her pregnancy was real but that wasn't a problem when she had you... When the games weren't canceled your baby wasn't of any use to her."

Dr Vincent speaks in a soft tone but I am still to horrified to even consider speaking so he finishes "Peeta she used you, and you were too blind in love to notice."

I still remain unable to produce words so I just stare blankly ahead of me and just nod. My brain was right when it perceived me to be unable to deal with these memories, I have the urge to clamp my hands over my head and crush my skull… anything to be rid of the images now filling my head, however the restraints prevent this so I settle for slamming my head backwards into the bed over and over again.

"Peeta I know this is hard to deal with but trust us it is the best thing for you."

But I don't listen, I continue hitting my head against the rather tough mattress in hopes that I will knock myself out… I'd happily take the worst of my nightmares now over this horrific reality I am expected to live in. They have obviously given up on talking to me so they proceed by turning on the television again to try and uncover another repression. I watch the first moments of the quarter quell where I am slashing through vines with my sword and immediately I know what happens next, I see myself being thrown backwards by the impact with the force field but then I see Katniss position a bow and aim it towards my skull.

"What are you doing?" I hear Finnick demand but Katniss doesn't look at him.

"Finishing him off, he is as good as dead anyway" she says indifferently as she pulls her arrow back but Finnick stands between my body and her.

"What will the sponsors think Katniss?" he asks and this seems to get through to her, she lowers her bow but doesn't pay the slightest bit of attention as Finnick revives me.

The images of the screen change and now I'm watching footage that is hours later in the games where we are all desperately running from the fog. I see myself hopelessly fall over as the exhaustion and pain get the better of me.

"Leave him!" Katniss demands as Finnick attempts to lift me up but she doesn't stay to see if he listens, she just runs further away from the deadly fog and us.

The scene changes again and watch our struggle with the mutt monkeys, I watch myself desperately fending off the beasts with my sword but then see Katniss purposely putting me in between her and the mutts, using me as a shield as their teeth try and rip me apart. I close my eyes; I can't bear to see anymore… I am so unaware of my surroundings that I barely realize that I am screaming. My mind is full of memories of Katniss trying to kill me; I see her screaming to alert the mutt monkeys of my presence, I watch her position shoot an arrow at me when we were at the cornucopia.

"Katniss stop!" I scream out loud to the Katniss in my thought but she doesn't listen, she fires arrow after arrow at me and I have to dodge each one of them. I feel a stab of pain in my right arm and think that one of Katniss' arrows has actually hit me, but when I feel my body calming down I realized I've been injected with something.

"What are you doing to him?" I vaguely hear a female voice ask, the voice sounds distant, as though it is miles away.

"Ah Ivy, you got my message did you? We are going to need at least 6 more bags of the venom" I hear the voice of Dr Vincent say.

"You have already used the four bags I prepared? It's only been a day are you trying to kill him?" the female voice asks.

"How we use the venom is none of your business"

"No but the President has ordered that you keep him alive and obviously do not have any idea of what the lethal dosages is" the women's voice is becoming louder now as I feel myself retreating from my thoughts.

"Katniss" I croak out, "She tried to kill me, she killed our baby, she wants to kill me… she wants me dead" I barely manage to voice the only thoughts going through my mind,

"What the hell have you done to him?" I hear the women's voice ask furiously.

"Stay out of this Ivy." Dr Vincent orders, "Peeta can you hear me?" he asks.

"She wants me to die" is the only response I manage, my eyes still tightly shut.

"Yes she does Peeta, like we said she is designed to only care about protecting her own life, your life means nothing to her." I hear Dr Vincent voice say.

"You have made him fear her…" the second voice says so quietly that I barely catch her words

"President's orders." Dr Vincent relies stiffly.

I hear the words of my company but my brain is unable to register them into making any sense, it is too preoccupied with dealing with the truth I can no longer fight. Everything I have been doing, every ounce of strength I've used, and every time I have tried my best to protect Katniss has all been in vein, because she's is no longer the girl whose voice could make the birds fall silent, she is no longer the girl who picked up the dandelion, she is no longer the girl I gave the bread to… she is no longer the girl I feel in love with. Katniss died, and the person I've been trying to protect for the past year is a stranger, made from the Capitols technology, driven only by her desire to protect herself. I feel myself slipping into unconsciousness as my head falls to the side, I use my last ounce of strength to open my eyes and I find myself staring into brilliant emerald green eyes and see them staring back into mine, studying them intently, but then darkness spreads across my vision and I willingly fall into unconsciousness.


	11. Chapter 11

Even before I open my eyes I know that I am back in my cell. I can feel the cold stone against my skin and the air smells of blood, sweat and dust. I slowly open my eyes and as soon as they take in my surroundings I jump back in horror. The first thing I see directly across from me is a human toe, as my eyes follow the trial of blood I see more toes and eventually fingers. I gag when I see Darius' corpse on the floor and the pools of blood at each site of his missing phalanges. Bleeding to death must be a horrible way to die, feeling the life literally drain from you and all you can do is spend your last moments in agonizing pain from your wounds. I remember that Darius wasn't my only companion in this cell and horror fills me as I look around the room for Johanna and I let out a sigh of relief when I see her unconscious in the corner of her cell, looking bruised and sore, but thankfully alive. I hear the door at the top of he stairs open and I hope that it is peacekeepers coming to remove Darius' body but instead of the usual sound of heavy boots descending down the stairs I hear the distinct click of high heals. I stand up and move my door of my cell as she appears, at the foot of the staircase stands a woman, probably the same age as Johanna, with such breathtaking beauty I am unsure if she is real. Familiar emerald green eyes search the room and lock to mine and she moves toward my cell.

"Peeta Mellark, it's nice to officially meet you," she says with a courteous smile.

"You know of me?" I ask frowning.

"Of course I do" she crosses her arms and studies me for a moment.

"And you are?" I ask feeling her eyes on me.

"How rude of me, my name is Ivy," she says graciously.

"Are you a medic?" I ask, now the initial shock of her appearance has gone I am suspicious or her presence. She isn't dressed like a medic, she is clothed in a mixture of black and dark green fabrics and wears high-healed boots and make her inches taller than me.

She shakes her head, "No. But I am here to help you."

"Help me how?" I ask but she is already unlocking the door to my cell.

"You're just going to have to trust me," she says good-naturedly as she opens the door.

I realize I don't have a choice in the situation and follow her as she walks up the stairs… as she leads me through the mansion I wait for guards to stop us, to drag me back to my cells but each one we encounter nod courteously at Ivy as she passes them and allow me to follow her. Who was this girl? Obviously she had authority but that didn't explain her interest in me.

"Does the President know your taking me somewhere?" I ask as I walk behind her.

"Not yet, but he will soon"

"Will you get in trouble?"

She stops walking and turns around, "No. He trusts me."

She takes me to a room that is beautifully grand, the walls are covered in art work I could only dream of producing, the ceiling is high and occupied by a spectacular chandelier that sparkles in the light from the sun streaming in through a large set of windows. I am immediately drawn to the window, I have been so deprived of the outside world I am so grateful to see it.

"Feel free to make yourself comfortable" Ivy says as she walks toward a set of large black doors.

I hesitative but then sit on the dark green sofa to my left I am immediately grateful for my choice, the sofa is soft and warm, a very welcome change from the stone floor of my cell and the tough mattress of my hospital bed. I've become so accustomed to discomfort that this change alarms me; no one is nice to me without an ulterior motive.

"Aren't you going to cuff me or use restraints?" I ask her as she searched through a wardrobe.

"No, that wont be necessary" she says simply not bothering to look at me.

I don't know why, probably because I'm losing my mind, but this bothers me, "What if I try and attack you?" I ask.

This makes her turn around, but she simply smiles at me, "I'd like to see you try."

I look into her striking features but beyond her dazzling beauty I sense familiarity, "I recognize you from somewhere." I say, more to myself then to her.

"I guess I have one of those faces" she says dismissively, turning away from me.

"You don't" I say honestly, It is not everyday you come across a face as perfectly structured as hers, high cheek bones, a flawlessly defined jaw and eyes of dazzling green. I watch her, studying her moves… trying to determine if she is a treat or if she really is someone who wants to help me. As her reaches for something her long, dark brown hair moves to the left revealing a long scar down the back of her right arm, the scar is faint but yet still noticeable against her slightly olive skin. Then it all clicks into place…

"You're a victor," I say and she turns around and looks at me, "You're Ivy Anderson from District 1."

Yes District 1, that explains her unnatural beauty and grace, she is a product of the luxury district. She doesn't say anything but her body visibly stiffens at my words. I remembered watching her games when I was around 10 years old, making it the 68th Hunger Games. The final three consisted of both District 1 tributes and the male District 2 tribute. I clearly remember watching Ivy receive the wound on her arm when she had her back turned on the District 2 boy, it was one of the most gruesome injuries in Hunger Games history as the boy from 2 lodged his knife into the back of Ivy's arm when her attention was occupied by trying to help the boy from her district. I remember watching as the boy from 2 pulled the blade down, ripping her arm open in the process and then watching her purposely push the blade deeper into her arm so when she got away from him she left him weaponless with the blade still lodged in the back of her arm. Despite losing his weapon the boy from 2 still managed to kill the district 1 boy by cracking his skull against the Cornucopia and then Ivy, full of rage from witnessing her district partners death, pulled the knife out of her arm and threw it with such force and precision that it lodged itself neatly into the District 2 boys skull… making her the victor. I realize that my only memory of watching her games as that of when I was 10, Effie didn't send me the 68th Hunger games to watch…

"Good memory" Ivy says, her voice grave.

I feel the need to apologize from bringing up this topic but before I get the chance to the door to the room opens and President Snow joins us. He looks at my briefly but then turns his attention to Ivy.

"I thought I told you last night to drop it Ivy." He says with a disappointed tone.

"And I did, I've accepted your reasoning for Peeta's treatment however I am still of the opinion that Dr Vincent remains too consumed in achieving results that he is disregarding the boys health." Ivy says politely approaching Snow.

"What do you suggest then dear?" Snow asks warmly and I frown as I try placing the relationship between these two.

"That you give your authority for me to overlook Dr Vincent's treatment of Peeta, he has been nothing but cooperative since his capture and I think we owe it to him to ensure his safety." Ivy says smiling

"Okay you have my authority… but do not interfere with the treatment Ivy" Snow says looking her in the eyes. My guess is that 'treatment' is the term they are using to describe my sessions with Dr Vincent makes me reveal repressed memories. "Well seeing as you already have Peeta here, you can do me a favor" Snow continues as he makes his way over to Ivy's television and plugs something into it, "ensure he is properly prepared for the broadcast tonight… we are going to inform the nation of all the damage the rebels are inflicting onto this country."

"My pleasure" Ivy says sweetly and with that the President exits the room.

"I'm going on TV tonight?" I ask, this is the first time I've heard of it, I had presumed that Snow had given up on the idea that my words could end this war.

"It seems so. There is a lot of damage in the district and it's worrying Snow" Ivy says nodding toward the images of destruction now playing on her screen, "Look over these and watch the footage, there will be a monitor on stage in case you forget."

I watch the footage and read the cards over and over again while Ivy sits silently at a desk, occasionally scribbling down words on various pieces of paper. Each time I look at the images of destruction I can only associate them with one thing… Katniss. All of this is because of Katniss. She is so occupied trying to save her own skin by working for the rebels that she is blind to all the death and devastation she is causing… Or maybe she isn't blind to it, maybe she is perfectly aware of it and simply doesn't care, the way she didn't care about the life of our baby, or my life for that matter. I feel anger boil within me and my clenched fists destroy the cards I'm holding. I want to throw something, to scream… anything to release this fury within in me but the door to the room opens once again and a Capitol attendant informs Ivy that I am required for treatment and leaves. I look at her, her features grave and I don't understand this bothers her so much; after all she isn't that one that has to deal with reliving horrible memories.

"Let's go" she says plainly and doesn't even look at me as she walks past me toward the door.

I follow her as she leads me to an elevator that descends to the lowest levels of the mansion. Ivy remains silent but I can sense the she is struggling to do so, every now and then she looks at me to say something then shakes her head, closes her mouth and looks forward. I am still full of anger as we walk the corridors but I make an effort not to take it out on Ivy, I don't know why but I actually trust her, it's probably because I'm just so desperate to think that someone actually cares about my wellbeing. When we reach the room where Dr Vincent and the other medics wait for me Ivy is immediately approached by two of the medics.

"She is to sit over there" Dr Vincent says dismissively indicating a chair in the far corner of the room, "and isn't to move until the treatment is finished."

Ivy doesn't move, and the medics make no move to force her… I see the look of wrath on her face and get the feeling that there is a good reason why the medics fear her.

"Presidents orders you see." Dr Vincent smiles, "It seems he has finally come to some sense and put you on a leash."

Ivy returns his smile, "I am going to disregard that comment and put it off to you just being an idiot," she says pleasantly but then she moves forward with a fierce look in her green eyes, "but I suggest you think twice before insulting me again and remember my reputation." Her voice is low and threatening as she stands directly in front of Dr Vincent. "Do not delude yourself into think that your of any important to the President, you are a medic… very easily disposable. We both know that I have skills and knowledge that are very essential to the President, so unless you want to join all those bodies you autopsy I suggest you work on your manners." Ivy finishes, I see a look of apprehension momentarily cross Dr Vincent's face, and obviously he has reason to believe in the legitimacy of Ivy's threats. Ivy doesn't give him a chance to respond and walks herself over to the chair.

Dr Vincent recomposes himself and orders me to resume my usual spot lying down on the bed. No one in the room speaks, they are simply get to work, one of the medics attaches the drip to my forearm and I watch as the green liquid works its way down the tube. As the substance reaches my body and enters my bloodstream, immediately my thoughts fall to Katniss. My eyes involuntarily shut and I am attacked with images of Katniss shoving a life into her stomach… killing our baby. I watch Katniss shot an arrow at Gloss' heart and smile as the life fades from his eyes. I watch her attack Johanna, I see her try to kill Finnick, I witness as she pushes Mags into the deadly fog… I don't know how long this continues but when I finally open my eyes the images do not disappear and fuel the rage inside of me. The medics position me so that I am now sitting up but I do not look at any of them.

"Peeta I am going to ask you some question, please provide a 'yes' or 'no' answer" Dr Vincent's voice says, I cannot see him, I'm too occupied with staring directly ahead of me.

"Do you trust the Capitol?"

"I don't know."

"Do you trust the rebels?"

I think of Haymitch and the plan to leave me behind, "No."

"Do you trust Katniss Everdeen?"

"No." I say simply.

"Do you fear Katniss Everdeen?"

"Yes."

"Does Katniss Everdeen care about you?"

"No."

"Did Katniss Everdeen try to kill you?"

"Yes."

"Did Katniss Everdeen kill your baby?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to kill Katniss Everdeen?"

This question gets my attention. Do I want to kill her? The recent thoughts of her come to my mind again and immediately I want to answer 'yes', the anger and the fury that consumes my body wants me to answer 'yes'… but then why can't I? Then I feel it, the small part of me that is still hurting… the part of me fighting against all truth, the part of me that provides a the quiet voice in the back of my mind… telling me to forgive Katniss, telling me to trust her, telling me not to trust these people, telling me that I love Katniss. Though the voice is quiet and the part of me is small, its existence prevents the answer of 'yes' to Dr Vincent's question, however it isn't dominant enough to make me answer 'no' either so reply…

"I don't know."

Dr Vincent frowns at my response but then continues with, "Do you love Katniss Everdeen?"

I feel that small part of me ache, and I hear that quiet voice saying yes, but the longer I listen to it the more hurt I feel. I purposely think of Katniss killing our baby and the fire of the anger inside of me is ignited once again and it has the desired effect… as the rage takes over my body it removes the hurt and the pain and makes that little voice disappear.

"No." I say simply.

Dr Vincent smiles but it's Ivy's voice I hear next.

"Okay that's enough for one day," she says as she storms towards me and takes the drip out of my arm.

"You do realize I am going to have to report this interruption to the President" Dr Vincent says not making any effort to stop her.

"No need, I'm going to go and tell him myself." she says acidly as she pulls me off the bed and takes me to the door but just as we are about to exit she turns around, "You are all sick barstards." And with take she slams the door behind us.

Before I have the chance to question her and she speaks, "You need to go and get ready for your appearance" and with that she leads me to a room where a prep team is waiting for me.

"Where are you going?" I ask her as she goes to leave the room.

She turns around, "I am going to speak to Snow. I'll be back when you are finished to take you to the stage" and with that she leaves.

I remain motionless as the prep team silently dress me and apply the thin layer of make up. I am still so full of anger that my mind is consumed by it, rendering me unable to think about anything… but this feeling is a welcome change, it is the best I've felt in weeks so I cling to it. The prep team have just finished and left the room when Ivy returns but when she enters the room she isn't her usual composed self, she is flustered and looks as if she has been running.

"Did you speak to Snow?" I ask curiously.

"Not exactly." She replies her breathing slightly faster than usual, "Come on I have to get you to the stage."

We walk fast, Ivy has longer legs that provide her with strides so large that I struggle in my weakened state to keep up with her.

"What's going on?" I ask confused.

"Shh!" she shoots me a look, "Not here… just keep up."

When finally begin to slow as we reach a room I have not yet been in, it's not the usual stage that I share with Caesar but a rather large room where seats have been pushed against walls to clear the space and there is a grand podium in the center of the room on a large, raised platform. I watch as the many people around us prepare lighting and cameras and see a team of men assembling a rather large screen behind the podium. Ivy pulls me around a corner where we are hidden from view.

"Alright you need to listen," she says hurriedly, "I don't know what Vincent has made you see and exactly how he has messed with your head but when your giving your address you need to warn your girl"

"I am supposed to speak about the destruction in the districts." I say simply.

Ivy looks frustrated, "I know and so you will, but somehow you need to use your skills with words and send a warning to district 13."

"Why would I do that?" I ask angrily, I begin to feel stupid about my earlier thoughts that I could trust her.

"Because Snow is planning something, I don't know what exactly but it involves all of 13 being dead by the morning." she finishes looking me in the eyes, trying to read my expression.

I don't speak for a long moment as I consider her words, "So." I say finally, "They aren't my concern."

Ivy's eyes widen, "Did you hear what you just said?"

"Yes" I say plainly, not bothering to look at her any longer.

"The venom is still in you I understand that you're probably still confused but Peeta you need to overcome it" Ivy says desperately grabbing me face and forcing me to look at her.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say frustrated, I want to return to the room and prepare for my address, I'm sick of the mind games people are playing with me.

"Peeta this isn't you, there must still be a part of you that loves that girl…" Ivy begins her lecture but I cut her off.

"You're right Ivy there is!" I snap, "Despite all the horrible things I've seen there is a part of me that cares! A part of me that will forgive Katniss despite all the things she has done, a part of me that still wants to protect her and love her!" I say furiously.

"Then listen to it Peeta" Ivy says softly with sad eyes.

"I cant!" I scream and ignore Ivy's pleas to quit down, "I can't listen to it! Because if I do all I feel is hurt and betrayal and it is too painful for me to deal with any more." I feel my voice breaking as my whole body begins to tremble.

"I understand that being angry is the easier option Peeta but that doesn't it make it the right thing to do…" Ivy says grabbing me to stop me from pacing,

"I know it's not the right thing to do! I'm Peeta Mellark the boy who always does the right thing, who always understands when people betray him… well look where that's got me!"

"Peeta" Ivy pleas but I ignore her.

"So you know what I am going to do? I am going to do the thing I should have done as soon as my name was called out during my first reaping, I'm going to do what Katniss has been doing for the past year, I am going look out for myself! And that means I go out there and do exactly what I am told" and with that I push Ivy away from me and head back out into the room crowded with people.

Everyone is still occupied with their jobs and obviously hasn't noticed that my presence had been missing. As soon as I am spotted I am given orders to wait on the raised platform, I am shown to a seat to the right of the podium and I sit there and wait for further instruction. Eventually when everything has been set up and all the crew have retreated off to the sides of the room I am joined by President Snow. His snake eyes meet mine but he doesn't speak a work to me, he simply takes his place behind the podium. I realize that my anger threatening to escape again and I am fighting to suppress another outburst like the one I had with Ivy so I result to being fidgety and tapping my foot restlessly against a part of the chair. The broadcast begins and the stage lights momentarily blind me but as I regain my vision I then feel the constricting heat of the lights and suddenly I want nothing more to be off this stage. Snow speaks for a moment and then I am given my cue, I look at the monitor and see that Snow no longer allowing me to use my own words and I am now to read from a script.

"People of Panem need to listen very carefully, whether you are sided with the rebels or the Capitol. This cannot go on any longer, we cannot continue destroying one another" though the words aren't mine I sound convincing as my own personal frustration is evident in my tone. "If we do not reach a ceasefire the districts will be destroyed more so then they already are now."

I do what I practiced in Ivy's room and speak about the destruction as the screen behind me lights up to indicate the areas I'm mentioning. I look into the monitor to get my next cue but I am startled as I find myself looking directly at footage Katniss. The anger within me burns hotter as I look at her… but then I see it, she is standing in rubble and I see an all too familiar sign in the pile of destruction "Mellark Bakery" My heart begins to pound as I take in what the image means, my families bakery is destroyed… I think of the footage I saw of Katniss in district 8, informing the country that her and the rebels bombed the district… is that what they did to my bakery. Then Katniss is gone from the monitor, I look around to Snow and see that he is just as shocked as I am, the whole room is in a panic. I push the images and what they mean from my brain and try to continue reading from the monitor. The words disappear again but this time they are replaced by Finnick. I feel my heart begin to pound and chaos breaks out, I watch the monitor in horror as more footage is shown. I see district 12, reduced to nothing but rubble and debris as Katniss walks through the destruction. I see Katniss shooting arrows. I see Katniss laughing with Gale. I see the remains of the Mellark bakery once again. I am speechless, I cannot move, I cannot think, I cannot do anything but watch the monitor. I feel my anger threatening to escape and try to get off the stage but I am stopped by noise coming from the monitor. I turn my head to see it showing a clip of Katniss singing, her voice plays through the speakers and the effect it has on me is immediate, my heart slows, my breathing steadies and my anger fades. Though it only lasts for a couple of seconds it has been enough to reveal that small part of me I've been ignoring. She was there, on the screen, in the song she was singing, My Katniss, the one I'd die for, the one I love, the one I must protect… I hear that small voice screaming at me that I need to warn her, that she is in danger and I must help her but then anger has also returned inside of me and is doing everything to shut the voice out. I am too busy fighting a battle inside of my head that I take no notice to everything occurring around me until I am aware that the President has returned to his podium and his image is now on the monitor.

"Obviously the rebels feel the need to interrupt this essential information to the district as it incriminates them," he says roughly and then he turns to me, "Peeta, now that you have seen how the rebels have no care about the destruction they cause and how they do not want us to warn the innocent citizens of Panem, do you have any part words for Katniss Everdeen?"

Hearing her names makes the anger inside me flare but it also makes the voice louder… I need to warn her. No, I need to do as I am told and protect myself. I see my face on the monitor and realize I need to give a response. I need to warn her, I need to protect her. NO! I don't!

"Katniss!" I manage to get out, "how do you think this will end? What will be left? No one is safe. Not in the Capitol. Not in the districts." Don't do it Peeta, don't be a fool, stop talking. But I keep on talking, "And you…" I say loudly looking directly into the lens of the camera, "in thirteen…" Don't do it! Stop talking! She tried to kill you! She killed you baby! Don't save her! I feel myself shaking and I inhale to try and clear my head but then I hear Ivy's words, "Dead by morning!" You idiot! You stupid idiot! Everything turns into chaos once again. "You're not safe" I try to scream but even I can barely hear myself over all the shouts around me, "Dead by morn…" I try to get out but someone pushes over the camera. I look around the room desperately and the next thing I know of is a bone-crushing blow to my skull and I am knocked to the ground with impact that is excruciating, and then everything goes black.

**Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all enjoyed your new eyes eve and you all have a wonderful 2014!**

**I received such amazing feedback on my last chapter that I got to work on this one straight away so I hope you all like it. **

**Another big thank you to all of you who reviewed and sent me messages telling me what they think of the story, you guys are simply the best and I love hearing from you :) **


	12. Chapter 12

To think that I would get off so easily with a blow rendering me unconscious was foolish. Warning the Capitol's enemy of its impending destruction was not something they were going to let me get off with lightly. I am injected with something and I feel myself being dragged back into consciousness accompanied by the throbbing pain in my skull. I feel myself gagging on a warm liquid inside of my mouth and begin to cough up my own blood; obviously the impact with the floor has caused my teeth to slice through the walls of my mouth. I am vaguely aware that I am being held up by a number of different hands and as soon as I open my eyes I see a fist coming towards me, colliding with the side of my jaw, resulting in more blood in my mouth. My ears are ringing with pain and black spots form in my vision; a hit to my kidneys makes me cough up more of the blood. I feel a certain sense of déjà vu, despite the beatings, I can just make out the sound of voices screaming questions at me and for a moment I feel like I am in the moments where I first awoke in the Capitol. I take another hit to the stomach and can no longer support my own body weight, I fall limp and I am being held up by others.

"Who told him" I can only just hear the roar of anger of President Snow's voice, "Ivy?"

"Don't look at me! I hate that bitch more than anyone you know that! Why would I do anything to help her," Ivy's voice cries offended.

"Then how did he know?" Snow's voice silences the rest.

I open my eyes and see him standing in front of me, when he sees that I am aware of him he lowers himself so his snake eyes are only inches away from mine. "Who told you?" he asks very slowly, I see a small trickle of blood form at the corner of his mouth.

When I don't say anything he gives a small nod, I prepare myself for another hit but this time I am poked with something that on contact with my skin electrocutes me, I scream in pain as the volts course through my body. When it stops I momentarily meet Ivy's eyes, she looks horrified as she pushes her way through the crowd to get closer to me. I can't tell them it was her, they will kill her no matter how important to Snow she may be. I think fast and come up with the first answer that comes to my pain-clouded mind.

"I overheard it!" I manage to get out as I regain my breath, "When I was with the medics, I was lost in my memories of Katniss when I heard someone mention that she and 13 where going to be attacked."

Snows pupils dilate and he look furious, obviously my answer has some credit of authenticity. I am shocked again and the electricity makes the pain in my skull unbearable, with every ounce of strength I have I manage to open my eyes to see Snow round on Dr Vincent.

"This is your fault then?" he says sharply.

"Sir I can assure you that if one of my medics said anything it was purely by accident" Dr Vincent struggles to speak, he appears to be so intimidated by Snow's proximity that he is struggling to keep himself from fainting.

"You are to take the boy back to the ward and intensify his treatment as evidently your means so far have failed!" Snow snarls, he has lost all of his composure and his demeanor now is truly frightening. "And you are to find me the medic responsible for all of this because if you don't you will receive their punishment."

Dr Vincent manages a nod. Snow turns back to me and put his face close to mine, "You just made a very big mistake boy, and now you will pay for it." He speaks with such loathing I am certain he is going to kill me, but instead raises his palm and slaps me across the face with such force I lose my balance and fall to my knees. Snow wipes my blood from him palm on Dr Vincent's coat and then gives a nod, I feel the hands return and drag me on my knees following Dr Vincent. Ivy makes a move to follow by Snow speaks.

"No" he says loudly and it echoes around the room.

"You said I could observe the treatment to ensure the boys safety," she says defensively.

"You are to stay far away from the ward Ivy or there will be severe consequences, take her back to her room" Snow instruct a group a peacekeepers, they do not drag her but simply form a wall behind her forcing her to move forward.

When thy finally get me to the ward my knees are badly bruised and cut from all the dragging. I am pushed onto the bed and it seems that the medics are no longer wasting any time with false pretences of kindness. The restraints as now tighter than ever, the tube is forced into my forearm… they all give me looks of fury for assigning blame to them and it seems they all want to see me suffer. The pain and anger within me are a good mixture as they make me livid and frightening, I find myself snarling at the medics, and struggling to break free of the restraints. I am furious with myself for what I did on stage, for giving in to that stupid voice because now I am agonizing pain and am destined to be stuck in this ward with medics that hate for who knows how long. Then I remember the first image I saw on stage and need answer.

"What happened to my district?" I ask loudly.

All the medics are busy preparing things and don't give me any response.

"What happened to district 12!" I scream and start struggling even harder.

"There is no district 12, it's been blown to bits! Everyone in that filthy place is dead," Dr Vincent snarls at me.

Then my thoughts where right, Katniss and the rebels destroyed my home! They attacked the district and purposely interrupted the broadcast to rub pictures of my families destroyed bakery in my face. I've been such an idiot, up until this point I hadn't even considered my families safety.

"My family?" I ask, my voice quivering.

"Are dead." Dr Vincent says uncaringly.

And just like that, everything doesn't matter any more… life doesn't matter. There is no good in the world, there is no love, there is no happiness… there is only betrayal, death and destruction. It feels as if there is a switch to my humanity, to my conscious and to my emotions and it has been switched off… I am now nothing but a person consumed with hatred, anger and fury… a person with no family, with no purpose, with no one left to trust. The only thing that makes me feel the tiniest bit better is assigning the blame of all of my misery and anger to someone, making someone responsible for all the horrible things happening in my life… Katniss. I let out a scream that is amplified around the room, I am now so frantic that I break the restraints holding down my arms and the medics have to pin me down. The television is turned on and it shows me footage of fire bombs being dropped on the justice building in district 12, I watch as the district becomes engulfed in flames, I can hear my families screams of pain as they burn to death. "Katniss…" I hear her name being hissed from the speakers. In my mind I see Katniss walking through the destruction of 12, laughing as she kicks the rubble. The screen shows a new scene, this time it is of Katniss purposely dropping the nest of tracker jacker's on me, I recall the memory I feel the pain of their stings and my cries of pain as Katniss sits in the tree above and smiles. I no longer need the television to recall my memories, my mind is having no trouble in producing them on it's own… I see Katniss drug me in the cave, I see her run and leave me behind when the mutts chase us and I can't keep up because of my leg, I see her killing the baby, I see her killing Rue. "Katniss…" I hear the hiss again. I see Katniss bomb the hospital, I see Katniss push the monkey mutt into me, I see Katniss laugh as my family burns, I see Katniss and Gale laughing about how I was left behind… "Katniss…" the word gets louder. The memories do not stop, Katniss is a monster, a mutt created by the capitol that haunts my memories and is a symbol of death. "Katniss…" Days pass this way, I do not eat, I do not sleep, I do not talk… all I do is scream and have a constant montage in my mind of all the horrible things Katniss has done. Anger fuels me and gives me all the strength I need, I break all the restraints holding me down, I rip the tubes from my arms and attack any of the medics that come to close to me. I yell and I scream as I walk around the room, anything in my reach I throw at the walls, I smash monitors with my bare fists, I throw chairs at the medics, I overturn the bed and send it smashing to the floor. "Katniss…" the noise doesn't stop, but I realize that I'm longer just hearing it through the speakers and that I am now hissing it myself. The medics try to sedate me but I fight them off… I punch a mirror on the wall and I stare into its broken reflection, looking at how recognizable I've become with an insane look in my eyes. This is what they wanted, they wanted me to know the truth and now I do… Katniss Everdeen is a monster, she doesn't care about anyone but herself, she killed our baby, she killed my family and she will kill me… and finally I have purpose once again, all this fury and hatred inside me is for one thing… I must do the right thing… I must make all of this devastation come to an end. I stare into my reflection and I know what I must do….

"I must kill Katniss Everdeen."


	13. Chapter 13

The line between unconsciousness and reality is so blurred I struggle to differentiate between the two. Everything is a haze of distant voices, screams of terror, rhythmic beeping, spreading darkness and scattering light. When my eyes are closed I am faced with the images of fire, melting flesh, corpses of my friends and family but most predominately of Katniss; her eyes glaring blood red, her razor sharp fanged teeth exposed, her skin a rotting grey and her malformed hands that take the form of vicious claws. A result of being designed to only care about self-preservation has turned her into a ferocious, unfeeling, unsympathetic and relentless monster; she is the figure and cause of death that haunts my every thought. I am constantly injected with sedatives to prevent my episodes of violent outbursts ever since I attacked a medic to the point of almost killed her because I was positive she was Katniss coming to finish me off. Even when the sedatives wear off I lie motionless on my bed in the ward, I keep my eyes closed and use my strength and effort to channel all my rage into imagining ways of killing Katniss. Every now and then my plans are interrupted by faint voices, I seem to be hearing them in my ears and not in my head so I presume they belong to people of reality who are in close proximity of my body.

"What's wrong with him?" I hear a disembodied voice ask.

"Unconscious probably, he has been this way for a while" is the reply I hear.

I manage to assign these voices to belonging to President Snow and Dr Vincent, I have no desire to open my eyes and interact with either of them so I remain unmoving.

"When will he be ready?" the deep voice of Snow asks rather impatiently.

"I would say in around 2 more weeks just to be certain the treatment and conditioning are permanently hardwired into his brain."

"Good."

The voices fade away, I am unsure whether it's due to them moving away or that my brain has lost interest in listening to them. It feels like only a matter of minuets when another voice interrupts me.

"Peeta." The voice is distinguishably female and soft.

I give no verbal or physical response I am not interested in the company of anyone.

"What have they done to you?" the voice is quiet but familiar it belongs to Ivy.

"They attacked 13 but there are suspected to be no causalities. Peeta you saved a lot of lives"

This provokes an emotion inside me; fury… one of those lives I saved was Katniss'.

"You did a good thing."

No I didn't, all I did was prolong the life of that monster, allowing her to cause more devastation to the world.

"I'm going to get you out of here," Ivy's voice promises and I hear her heals clink against the tiles as she leaves.

Eventually I am forced to open my eyes when a team of medics arrive and inform me that I am to return to my quarters, I could have been resistant but I honestly don't care where they put me. When we reach the cells I see Darius' body has been removed but the smell of blood and it's stains still remain. Johanna sighs in relief when she sees me and she scrambles toward the bars joining our cells as I enter my own.

"Peeta" she exhales, "I haven't seen you in days, I was worried they…" but she stops sort, as if she has seen something unsettling while she was looking into my eyes. "What happened to you?" she ask, her brows knitting together in concern.

I don't speak a word and begin to turn away from her but she reaches through the bars and her hand grabs my arm. My muscles noticeably tense as a result of her touch, I perceive the contact as threatening and move out of her reach.

"Peeta? What have they done to you?"

I've grown tired of being asked this question, it implies the medics have altered me in the same way they did Katniss and anything that implies a similarity between me and that mutt makes me furious.

"Nothing." I answer stiffly, not bothering to look at her.

I feel my anger begin to rise and though I do not have the desire to be in Johanna's company I don't do want to hurt her, I only want to hurt Katniss. I move to the bars, closing my eyes I rest my head against them… my fists tighten around the cold metal as I hear a familiar hissing… "Katniss…" then I see her, her fangs bared and her claws drawn… my eyes shoot open and I stammer backwards panting, preparing for an attack, my head jerks violently as I look around the cell.

"Get away from me!" I roar, "I'll kill you!"

No matter how many times I scan the room my only company remains to be Johanna. Eventually my breathing beings to steady and my muscles relax as I establish that Katniss isn't here; I don't know whether I am relived or disappointed, it's true that desperately want to kill her but the sight of her also sends a chill of fear down my spine.

"Peeta what's going on?" Johanna yells in desperation, "Why the hell are you hissing Katniss' name?"

My head jolts towards her voice and I look at her perplexed, I was aware of the hissing but I didn't realise that I was the one producing it.

"Peeta you're freaking me out," she mutters as she moves away from the bars joining our cells.

I realise that her retreat was due to my slow advance toward the bars… I don't even remember making the conscious choice to move… feeling unsettled I move toward the back of my cell and sit down, Johanna doesn't speak another word but I can still feel her eyes watching me warily. I soon become more ill at ease when I realise that I've been digging my nails into the stone ground only when blood begins to pour from my fingernails. A part of me that I'm not exactly consciously aware of is making behavioural decision and it maddens me.

"Well your looking pretty horrible girly." I hear a male voice speak happily.

I temporarily look up and see that without me even noticing a group of peacekeepers had entered our cell and now stand in front of Johanna's bars taunting her.

"What have you people done to him?" Johanna demands but I don't look at her, I just stare at darkened area of stone on the floor.

"Oh no girly, we aren't hear to discuss the boy. Today's visit is purely about you. It seems the President has decided that your existence is no longer of any use to him"

I hear Johanna produce a high pitched laugh, "It's been what? 41 days? And he has only just realised that?" she laughs again, beginning to sound like a maniac.

"We are about to kill you and your laughing?" the mans voice ask, I can hear the touch of annoyance in his tone.

"Well yeah!" Johanna shrieks through her laughter, "Because you idiots still don't realise that I don't give a fuck about what happens to me! Kill me! Go on! Do me a favour!"

I spare another glance in their direction; the peacekeepers look at each other in confusion but before they can come to a decision about Johanna's life another peacekeeper joins them and even with his protective uniform I can see that the woman is panting.

"There has been an explosion in the courthouse, suspected rebel activity, we all have orders to provide assistance." the woman says, her voice quavering.

"The courthouse is in the city centre, it is not our domain and therefore not our responsibility" one of the peacekeepers replies in frustration.

"I received direct orders from solider Larkin sir"

The Peacekeeper threatening Ivy sighs, "Alright lets move out… but I am still leaving a team guarding the cells," he turns to Johanna, "I'll be back for you later girly."

I return to staring at the spot on the floor and listen as they leave. I consider when they will decide that my existence no longer has purpose and come to kill me; surely I am no use anymore… I am unstable, savage, consumed with anger and no longer in control of all my actions. Unlike Johanna, who is apparently content with death, I live my life with a purpose to end another's and while I have that purpose it keeps me from giving up.

Roughly an hour passes before the door at the top of the staircase opens again and I presume the peacekeepers have returned for Johanna, but as the door slams open it brings the noise of chaotic shouts coming from the other side of it. Beams of light descend the stairs soon followed by the peacekeepers, armed with the their guns that have torches attached to them.

"Someone just get the power back on I can't see a thing!" I can just hear the yell one of the Peacekeepers at the top of the stairs.

"They are both down here." One of the peacekeepers in our cell speaks into a device.

"Of course they are down here I told you that we have been guarding them!" another person retorts angrily.

"Are you behind this?" another Peacekeeper shirks toward Johanna and me.

I turn to Johanna and see that she has raised an eyebrow, but before she has a change to respond the device one of the Peacekeeper's had spoken into emits a loud distorted voice.

"The power has been disabled from an external source, ready yourselves for an attack."

The sound of gunfire comes from above followed by more and more shouting but over all the noise I still manage to distinguish some of the words like "power", "attack" and "rebels". I immediately stand up at this and one of the peacekeepers in the cell points their gun at me.

"Don't move!" he orders, his voice rather frightened, as the rest of his group positions themselves so they have direct aim at the stairwell.

I stand still but my heart is pounding, someone definitely screamed about rebels and that means there is a good chance that Katniss has brought some friends to finish me off… they are here to kill me. Eventually everything happening above us falls quiet; presumably one side has won the fight. Everyone in the cell waits for someone to come down the staircase but no one does… We all notice it at the same time, the slightly thickened air moving suspiciously slow down the stairwell but by that time it is too late and we have no escape from it. The Peacekeepers who had obviously removed their uniform masks in attempt to see better in the power outage are now scrambling to put them back on but it's no use, the gas has already polluted the air of the cell and one by one they begin to fall. I clamp my hands over my mouth and nose, I know it's a feeble attempt that won't be too effective but if there is a chance that Katniss is coming to attack me I am going to put up a fight. I obviously inhale some of the gas because my legs give in and I fall to the ground, my head is becoming cloudy with darkness but I still manage to stay conscious longer than anyone else in the cell. The gas begins to disappear as my lungs begin to hurt from the deprivation of oxygen but I do not dare breath more of the air in as my vision is already distorted and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. I do my best to stand by but there is no use, I am fighting losing battle with the gas.

"Clear!" I hear the distant echo of a mans voice, "Move in."

A group of armed men move into the hallway and kick aside the unconscious bodies of peacekeepers; they are all wearing masks so I can't distinguish whether Katniss is among them. My hands fall away from my mouth to protect myself as I fall forward onto the ground and I cough willingly as I inhale.

"He is over here!" a vaguely familiar voice yells as he moves over to my cell door and opens the lock.

I roll to my side and with all my strength I fight the darkness filling my vision for just long enough to see the man take off his mask and to stare directly into the face of Gale Hawthorn.

**Sorry for the delay in uploading this chapter, things have been pretty busy with the start of the New Year. But don't worry I am going on holiday soon so I will have plenty of spare time to post more chapters :)**

**I really hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and if you did please leave a review, I know it's a pain but getting your reviews is the only way I can be sure that people are still enjoying the story. So if you have any thoughts/opinions on the story (good or bad) please take the time and write them below and I promise to respond to all of them :)**

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	14. Chapter 14

**Wow! Thank you guys for the amount of reviews I received on the last chapter, you have no idea the happiness I feel when I check my emails and see that I've received a review, I start smiling at my phone like a loser and all the people around me being to worry about my sanity… oh well :) Thank you all!**

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I am no stranger to the process of regaining consciousness, it's as if each of your senses are pieces of a puzzle that become disoriented in unconsciousness and slowly fall back into place as you come back to reality. The first piece you usually regain is your hearing and in this circumstance there is no difference, I can hear the noises around me gradually become louder as the effects of the gas wear off. Then comes the recovery of your sensation of touch with unfortunately brings with it a reminder of all the pain you body forgot it was in. I presume that your taste and smell return after this point but for me the restoration of sight always is last, probably due to the fact that even when I have the ability to reopen my eyes I chose to keep them shut. I can notice the distinct differences between the after effects of the gas compared to those of the sedative which I'm used to; this time I have no trouble in thinking clearly, my muscles don't feel weak and my recovery is almost instantaneous. I open my eyes and it acts as a cue for three close by medics to immediately rush over to me.

"Peeta how are you feeling?" the shortest of the three asks me as they position me so that I am sitting up.

My body stiffens at their touch and this causes a chorus of reassurances from all three of them.

"You have nothing to worry about Peeta, you're safe now."

"We are going to look after you."

"Don't worry you're not in the Capitol Peeta, you're in district 13 now."

They grab me again, checking my vitals but I'm too preoccupied considering what one of them said about being district 13 that I barely take notice of them. District 13? But how was that possible? Did they bring me here to kill me? I remember looking into Gale's face before I blacked out, why didn't he just do his masters bidding and kill me there? My body begins to tense and I feel the need to make an escape but that idea is halted as a blinding light is shone directly into my pupils. I wince and a throw my legs over the side of the bed but I am stopped from moving further as the light returns.

"Peeta calm down, you're safe here."

"We are just checking if the gas has left any negative effects on you."

"Just hold still this will be over soon."

The light travels for side to side and my eyes instinctively follow it, I feel a tap on my kneecap as one of them tests my reflexes while the other monitors my pulse. When my eyes recover from the light they scan desperately around the room, looking for some means of escape but instead they fix on something else. There she is, only meters away from me, Katniss Everdeen in the flesh. For a moment I consider whether my mind is playing tricks on me again but the more I stare at her the more the disbelief vanishes, it's her all right. With one clean swipe I push all three medics out of my way and leap off the bed so I stand to be the same height as her. I actually feel my blood begin to boil with hatred as I look at her but yet I don't move, I stand still and observe her from a distances, like a predator contemplating what will be the best way to end the life of his prey. She moves toward me, as she comes closer I see that she isn't the clawed and fanged mutt from my memories but as she draws nearer and extends her arms I know that she readies herself for an attack. She probably thinks that this will be easy; that she will catch me off guard like the fool I was in the past but not this time, this time I know what she is capable of, this time I know what I need to do. "Katniss…" I hear the hiss again and it awakens every ounce of strength I have left in me. She is almost directly in front of me when her mouth begins to open and I know that the mutt is about to bare it's fangs and go in for the kill. My hands clasp tightly around her throat and a look of terror fills her evil eyes, she wasn't expecting this… I apply all the pressure my hands are capable of and I can feel them close in on her larynx and block her airway. I can vaguely hear voices shouting but I am too focused on looking at the desperation in the mutt's eyes and the life drains from them… She is almost finished, my life is almost free from her destructive presence but next thing I register is a solid blow to my right temple and then once again everything fades to black.

The time spent being unconscious from being physically knocked is obviously inferior to that spent after being drugged because I can't have been out for more than an hour. As soon as my eyes open they search for Katniss but to my irritation she is nowhere to be seen, I was so close but I didn't get to finish her off. I disregard the throbbing in temple and attempt to identify who caused it but my eyes only recognize Haymitch who is yelling at another man but as soon as he sees that I am conscious he directs his bellow at me.

"What the hell did you think you were doing boy? You almost killed her!"

I redirect my irritation and I move to attack him, the man who chose the mutt over me again and again, who left me for dead in the arena twice and the capitol. I am furious when I realize I can't move my arms because they are handcuffed behind my back and I yell so loudly that I drown out all the other voices of medics around me.

"You have some serious explaining to do" I hear Plutarch Heavensbee's voice says angrily and I am about to give a cruel retort when I realize that his words weren't directed at me.

"I scarified my life and the lives of a group of soldiers to rescue a prisoner who almost killed our Mockingjay!" the man Haymitch was yelling at pipes in and I recognize him to be the culprit behind my aching temple.

I struggle against my handcuffs angrily, trying to make my way toward him when hands grab my arms and hold me back.

"I didn't know that he was going to try and kill her! I knew they had messed with his head but I had no idea it was to this extent," a defensive female voice snaps back and the owner of it shocks me.

Ivy stands a couple of feet in front of me glaring at Plutarch. What the hell was Ivy doing here? My confusion grows as strong as the anger within me and I stop struggling against the hands holding me back to try and make sense of the situation.

"Well maybe you should have given some warning when you contacted us, ordering that we listen to you and rescue the boy and withdraw our spies" my attacker says as he stands by Plutarch's side,

"Now you listen to me. I did you all a favor. Ever since Peeta saved the lives of everyone in your district with his warning Snow became suspicious of how his prisoner received such classified information. Snow was checking all of his workers and if it wasn't for me Snow would have found them out and all of your men would have been publically executed." Ivy holds herself strong and her words are forceful, she isn't the slightest bit intimidating by either of the men confronting her.

"I think we can all agree that the girl has done us a solid, if it wasn't for her contribution we might not have managed to bring all of the prisoners and our men back alive. So I think what we should be focusing on now is establishing an explanation to why this boy" Haymitch points his unsteady finger at me, "just tried to kill the girl he has been in love with for most of his life."

Haymitch's words set off the anger within me again and I resume my struggling.

"Well that I can help you with" Ivy says confidently and she glances at me before she resumes speaking, "Antecestoxin is a venom that is designed to specially target the amygdala, the part of the human brain most predominately involved in fear production."

"Also the venom that can be found in a tracker jackers sting." Beetee's voice interrupts; up until now I hadn't noticed his presence in the room.

"Exactly. It can be used to evoke a person's worst fears so vividly that it can distort accurate memories so they are replaced with fearful ones… it is basically liquid fear conditioning."

I see a frown cross Plutarch's face, "I'm not following. What has this got to do with the boy?"

"It's called Hijacking, they have purposely poisoned his memories and thoughts of Katniss with so much terror that he has developed a fear of her so excessive that he would try and kill her," Ivy says impatiently, as if she was frustrated that they couldn't figure this out for themselves.

Looks of doubt and skepticism are displayed across many of the faces in the room including my own, Ivy sounds insane, no one has been messing with my head… I would have noticed… All I can think about is the need to find Katniss and finish what I started.

"And how do we know this for sure?" says the cold voice of lady standing with two guards at her side.

"Yes, I have heard of hijacking before but never have I heard of it actually being administered. How do we know this is what they have done to Peeta?" Beetee asks pushing his glasses towards his forehead.

Ivy looks at me regretfully, her green eyes full of sorrow. "Because I helped them do it."

**Hope you enjoyed it! :)**

**Stacey Morgan (who reviewed chapter 7): Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked the idea of sleep deprivation as the torture technique… it makes me happy with my choice to go with it so thank you!**

**I really hope you enjoy reading the rest of the chapters :)**

**Tiffany: First of all, you must be pretty amazing because you happen to have the same name as me ;) for a second I thought I posted a review to my own story :/ ahaha I'm not used to coming across other Tiffany's but I'm glad I did! I am so glad you are liking the story so far that means the world to me. I am also very glad to hear that you think I am writing well because trust me I am struggling haha… writing definitely isn't my strongest ability but I'm working hard to make sure the story is readable :) oh and trust me I feel peeta's pain as I'm writing and it and it kills me :(**

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**Guest: Thank you! I am glad you think it's awesome because I think your awesome for reviewing :) I hope you like the rest of the story**


	15. Chapter 15

I am moved so that I am once again confined to room containing a hospital bed, but there are distinctive differences between this room and my one back in the Capitol; The walls here in 13 are a cement grey and the floor is tiled black adding to the darkness of the windowless room, the obscurity is conquered by the bright synthetic lights that illuminate all of the underground district but there is still a sense of claustrophobia that you can't escape. The wall to my left is occupied by a large mirror that I am certain allows my former company to watch me while they discuss all the events that have unfolded since my arrival… Me strangling the mutt, one of the leading soldiers knocking me out and Ivy's fabricated story in my defense. Ivy… I am still unsure of her intentions, from what I overheard it sounds like she was the one who prearranged my reassignment to 13; I distantly remember hearing her words "I'm going to get you out of here," and so she did, removed me from the threat of the Capitol but put me straight into the hands of the rebels and, worst of all, the mutt. I look straight into the mirror and presumably into the face of one of the people deciding my fate hidden behind it. What were they going to do to me? I tried to kill their precious Mockingjay and will try to again at any given chance so what are they going to do to me in punishment. Ivy's lie about the Capitol medics brainwashing me wasn't going to persuade the rebels to forgive my attack, it was surely only a matter of minutes until the door to my right opens and I will receive the consequences of my actions. My presumptions prove to be correct because soon the door opens and Plutarch enters the room but I am confused when I see that Ivy follows him, when I see the friendly smile on Plutarch's face my perplexity is heightened and this doesn't go unnoticed.

"Peeta I know you must have so many questions," he says warmly and he claps his hands together and rubs them eagerly.

I stay true to my tendency of not responding and turn my head away from both of them to stare directly ahead of me.

"Just let me talk to him first" I hear Ivy's voice say to Plutarch.

He must give a nonverbal response because the next thing I hear is the door close and in my peripheral vision I see Ivy move a seat and position herself to be sitting next to my bed.

I continue to avoid looking at her and wait for her to say something but when minuets pass without a word I grow impatient and break the silence.

"Why did you bring me here?" I ask bluntly with an underlying tone of accusation.

"This is where you belong Peeta, this is where you are the safest," Ivy replies kindly.

I grunt in exasperation, "What do you call this then?" I say looking at her, gesturing to the bruised lump on my temple.

Ivy smiles slightly, "well you did try to kill the girl…"

"Yeah, with good reason too! She's a monster! She would have killed me, I saw the look her in eyes." I say and I feel my voice begin to rise along with my anger.

"Peeta you need to listen, Katniss isn't going to hurt you. Dr Vincent purposely altered your memories of her in attempt to make you completely on the Capitols side" Ivy only pauses to draw a breath but I cut in before she has the chance to speak again.

"Oh drop the story Ivy, no one will believe it," I say impatiently, looking away from her.

"Now you listen to me," she says fiercely standing up and grabbing my face and turning it to look at her, "I did not risk everything to get you out of that place to have you turn around and label me as a liar."

I am caught off guard, "I didn't call you a liar…" I say submissively doing my best to lose eye contact; I can now understand the reason others were intimidated by Ivy, with her hardened expression and piercing green eyes that seem to look directly into your soul.

"Good then we both agree that I am telling the truth." She says simply and her facial features relax to resume their usual beauty, she lets go of my face and returns to her chair, before I have a chance to argue she continues, "Peeta you heard what I said before, the medics in the Capitol were hijacking you, playing on your deepest fears and manipulating them to turn you against Katniss and the rebels. Snow asked me to prepare the bags of tracker jacker venom for them to use in your hijacking, only I didn't know exactly what they were planning on doing with it. At first I only thought they were going to use it as a means of torture…" she trials off looking annoyed at herself.

"And you were fine with helping them torture me?" I can't help asking slightly offended.

"Well I didn't exactly have a choice, Snow trusted me but that didn't give me the permission to disobey his orders. But incase you didn't notice tracker jacker venom is usually excruciating in the human blood stream but did you feel any physical pain during your time with Dr Vincent?"

"No" I admit recalling all those horrible moment spent in the ward but not remembering any physical pain at the hands of Dr Vincent and his team.

"That's because I combined the venom with morphling before I gave it to him, I figured the venom would still have its cognitive effects but the morphling would eliminate the physical pain, and I was right. It was all I could do to help you at that point. But when I saw what they were doing to you I realized that I got it all wrong, they never wanted to physically harm you their aim was purely psychological torture and they were achieving it…" Ivy says solemnly.

I consider her words; I remember the greenish liquid attached to one of the tubes in my arm, could it be possible? I still have the nagging desire to want to believe everything she says just so I can put my trust in someone but I can't disregard my hesitancy.

"I knew then that I had to get you out before it was too late and I honestly thought that I did…" she trails off and she looks down ashamed, I can feel that she is waiting for me to give a response but I am not capable of providing one.

"Peeta. I know you might not realize it now but you are safe here, they are preparing a team of medics as we speak and they will do everything in their ability to help you. Whenever you feel ready they bring in Katniss to see you and…"

But the mentioning of her name provokes finally provokes a response from me, "No!" I say fiercely and my hands form fists at my side, "I don't want that mutt near me!"

Ivy winces and I see her shoulders drop in a sigh but I am done feeling pity for her because I've finally put the pieces together, "She got to you too." I say accusingly, "I saw all the faces of those people when I tried to kill her, she's got all of them and probably all of this district programmed to protect her and do her bidding and now she's got you too!" as I scream the words everything begins to make more and more sense and I feel stupid for not noticing this earlier. "She was going to kill me but the only difference was this time I was prepared, I was ready to fight back, and now she is sending all of you people in to try and lower my guard! Ha! Trying to make me ask to see her so I can beg for her forgiveness and when I'm vulnerable again she would kill me!" my anger rises to new level as I take in how heartless and pathetic this mutt could be that she had to trick her enemies into trusting her before she murdered them. I think of how she killed Mags, how she was planning on killing Finnick and Johanna and realize that I've beaten her at her own game this time.

"Nice try Katniss!" I bellow at the mirror, hoping she is behind it having to deal first hand with her failure.

I turn my attention back to Ivy, "I don't know what she has done to you but you can't trust her Ivy! She is trying to kill me and she is using you," I turn back to the mirror, "she's using all of you!"

I wait for Ivy to realize that there is no chance in convincing me and leave on her own accord but she stays by my side as I continue screaming abuse at Katniss. The anger eventually gets the better of me and I can feel my hands spasms in tremors as I hop off the bed and move around the room to find things to throw, my choices are limited so I settle with smashing my fists against the mirror which budges but doesn't break under my impact. I am unaware of how long they let me continue attacking the mirror but they let me tire myself out to the point I can barely remain standing and I am panting so heavily I have to steady myself against the mirror. When I am at the point of dropping to the group a group of medics enter and support my body weight as they move me back to the bed, I am so drained of strength and emotion I don't resist and I am almost grateful for being given the chance to lie down again.

"We are sorry that we have to do this Peeta but it is for you own protection," a man says to me as the rest of the group position three restraints around each of my arms.

"I am used to it" I sigh, defeated. It can only be seconds later when my eyes fall shut as exhaustion takes over and I fall asleep.

**Sorry for the delay, I've been writing everyday of my holiday but unfortunately my Internet here is the slowest thing so I am trying to get the chapters up as fast as I can. Did anyone else watch Jennifer Lawrence win her Golden Globe for American Hustle today? So proud of her, she is such an inspiration :)**

**Now if you and starting to wonder what Ivy's deal is like Peeta currently is stay tuned, all will be explained in due time. It was actually the creation of Ivy's character that inspired me to write this story, I always thought that there had to be someone in the capitol looking out for Peeta so eventually I came up with Ivy and I spent a long time perfecting her back story so that there would be a legitimate reason she would go out of her way to help Peeta. **

**Anyway hope you liked the chapter :)**

**Tiffany: hahah yes us Tiffany's are rare. Awww thank you, I hope it doesn't make you cry too much hahah things are going to get happier soon, I am getting sick of writing depresso Peeta.**

**Thank you again for the review, It means so much :)**


	16. Chapter 16

When I wake the first thing I register is the aching in my hands now that the adrenaline from my outburst has worn off, they are still twitching occasionally so I continuously flex and tense my fingers in attempt to regain control over them. My bed is positioned so that the top half is inclined, this means that even though I am lying down I am still sitting upright and I have perfect observation of my empty hospital room. The feeling of emptiness extends from my surroundings to within my being as I register that when I am not full of rage and anger I feel nothing at all. My eyes travel to the restraints holding down my arms and I let out a sigh, I am once again at the mercy of people I don't trust but I don't have the energy of fight left in me. All that was left to do was wait, wait and see what these people would do to me and as if on cue I hear the door to my room quietly creek open. My heart rate quickens in panic as my eyes dart to the door, thoughts race through my mind wondering whom my visitor will be and what their purpose is.

A short, thin girl with yellowish hair walks into the room and my eyebrows pull together in confusion as I try to place her, once I get past her grey garments and focus purely on her facial features I realize the familiarity.

She cautiously walks over to me but her breaks out into a smile, "Peeta? It's Delly. From home."

The associations between this frail girl and the girl I grew up with back in district 12 begin to connect, "Delly?" I ask uncertainly, my eyes squinting as I study her appearance trying to decipher whether I am imagining this encounter… she looks so much older and worn out compared to the memory I have of her in my mind so she must really be here, "Delly. It's you."

She looks relieved that I recognize her "Yes!" she sighs happily, smiling at me as though she has been reunited with one of her long lost best friends. "How do you feel?" she asks concerned observing my limp body strapped down to my hospital bed.

"Awful." I say honestly, but my mind is preoccupied trying to figure out something else, why was she here? Delly lived in 12 with me but all these people are trying to tell me that I am in district 13, confusion gets the better of me so I ask, "Where are we? What's happened?" I have almost no hope that I am going to receive the answer I desire but still I need to her it from Delly.

She hesitates and fiddles with the hands, "Well…" she forces herself to look into my eyes, "we're in District Thirteen. We live here now."

I frown, "That's what these people are saying." I have a nagging feeling that I am forgetting something vital, some critical piece of information that would make sense of all of this so I press on, "But it makes no sense. Why aren't we home?" I ask the first question that comes to mind.

Delly bites her lip apprehensively and I know I am on the right topic, "There was… an accident. I miss home badly, too. I was only just thinking about those chalk drawings we used to do on the paving stones. Yours were so wonderful. Remember when you made each one a different animal?"

My mind falls on images of colours on pavement, remembering how much effort I put into perfecting each drawing, that's right… I can draw… and paint… and use colours to create all sorts of images, but this recollection could wait, "Yeah. Pigs and cats and things," I say dismissively, for now I am still focused on something else, "You said… about an accident?"

I see Delly's hands start to tremble and her breathing begins to quicken, "It was bad. No one… could stay. But I know you are going to like it here, Peeta. The people have been really nice to us. There's always food and clean clothes, and school's much more interesting," Delly rambles on but it get back to my questions.

"Why haven't my family come to see me?" I ask plainly.

I see tears form in Delly eyes and my stomach drops, "They can't. A lot of people didn't get out of twelve. So we'll need to make a new life here. I'm sure they could use a good baker. Do you remember when your father used to let us make dough girls and boys?"

At the word 'baker' I am reminded of another fragment of my personality that I had forgotten but it also brings another image to mind, the Mellark Bakery sign on top of a pile of rubble, semantically this image brings with ones of flames and explosions.

"There was a fire." I say abruptly as the images begin to make sense in my mind.

"Yes," Delly whispers, the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

I see the justice building up in flames, I see bombs falling on all of the houses I've walked past since childhood, I see my families bakery burning to the ground along with my family.

"Twelve burned down, didn't it?" I ask, already knowing the answer. How could I have forgotten this? My mind has become so warped on getting revenge on the mutt that I've forgotten essential reasons for it. "Because of her." I spit out, feeling my body beginning shake in fury, "Because of Katniss!" I yell, I begin to feel imprisoned by the restraints holding me down, making me vulnerable, so I struggle frantically to break free of them.

"Oh, no, Peeta. It wasn't her fault" I only just her Delly's plea over all the noise I am causing.

My head jerks toward her, "Did she tell you that?" I hiss furiously through my grinding teeth.

Delly's eyes widen in fear and gradually she backs away from me, my eyes dart to the door to my room as it opens but no one comes in.

"She didn't have to. I was…" Delly tries to regain her composure and continue but I cut her off.

"Because she's lying! She's a liar! You can't believe anything she says! She's some kind of mutt the Capitol created to use against the rest of us!" I roar as I use all my strength to pull my arms upwards against the restraints but I am beginning to realize my efforts are in vain.

"No, Peeta. She's not a…" Delly tries to speak again but once again my shouts drown her out.

"Don't trust her Delly." I say frantically, I can't let Katniss manipulate Delly the way she has with Ivy and the rest of 13. I know that soon the medics would surely barge into the room and try to sedate me but I have to get out what I need to say first, "I did, and she tried to kill me. She killed my friends. My family. Don't even go near her! She's a mutt!"

Someone obviously leans in a grabs the rigid Delly and drags her from the room because when I look back toward her she is gone and the door is once again closed. I throw my chest forward in another attempt to break free of the restraints and continue bellowing at the top of my lungs.

"A mutt! She's a stinking mutt!" I slam my back down forcefully into the bed and thrash about, "She wants to kill me. She will kill everyone! All she cares about is herself! She is s bloodthirsty, lying, brainwashing mutt!"

I yell as loud as I can in hopes that some of the rest of 13 will hear me. "She has destroyed everything in my life! She's a monster! She will do the same to you, you can't trust her!"

I am prepared for the when door reopens and I clench my fists and prepare my legs to put up a fight against whoever they have sent to sedate me. A familiar, tall man, dressed in the medic white attire enters and I recognize him to be the man who spoke to me before they tied me down with the restraints.

He takes advantage of my sudden silence but speaks in a deep voice, "Peeta." He says patiently moving towards me, "My name is Dr Aurelius, I know you are skeptical of trusting anyone at the moment but I assure you I am here to help you."

My breathing is still heavy but I have stopped struggling so I can focus all my energy in watching the man cautiously with wide eyes.

"I don't expect you to trust me straight away, trust needs to be earned and I respect that; I believe the only way I can deserve your trust is by being completely honest with you. I am the head doctor in charge of your recovery and behind that mirror is a group of medics that are my team who will assist me. I am about to call them in to debrief them on my opinions and plans for your recovery and I think its only fair that you get to hear that conversation. Don't you?"

I consider not responding but I can't risk losing this opportunity, I want to know what these people are going to do to me so I give a slight nod of my head.

Dr Aurelius smiles sincerely and gives a direct nod toward the mirror, "Feel free to ask any questions, Peeta." He adds just before the door reopens and the team of medics enters in single file.

"Thank you for your patience" he addresses them all formally and they stand in a line to the right of my bed, "As you all are aware the injection of Antecestoxin into Peeta's bloodstream in combination with well constructed fear conditioning has resulted in a variety of fabricated memories being planted in Peeta's mind. I am certain that the majority of these memories are manipulated versions of Peeta's original memories but their existence dominant over the accurate memories."

The frown I now wear is mirrored on the faces of many of the medics and they continue looking from their clipboards, to me and to Dr Aurelius.

"I am certain those old memories are not completely lost but at this current time Peeta is unable to recall them. Let me use a different example. Say I am here with a person who has an irrational fear of spiders; if I ask them to recall memories of spiders the only memories that will come to their mind would be all the times they have perceived spiders as being threatening or frightening…they aren't going to recall any of the times spiders have been harmless even though their brain has probably stored moments where this has been the case."

"So in Peeta's case he currently has so many fear related memories of Katniss that they are preventing him from recalling any of his original memories?" a female medic scribbling on a clipboard asks.

I squeeze my eyes shut because the mere mentioning of her name is enough to trigger the fury inside of me again, I hear screams, I see blood, I see her claws tear into my chest and pull out my still beating heart. My hands clench the side of my bed in effort to hold myself together, I force me eyes open and find immediate relief as the images disappear. I still have the burning desire to yell and breakout from this room to find the mutt but I force myself to stay still and silent and continue listening.

"Exactly." Dr Aurelius says simply.

"So what is our first move then?" the same woman asks, looking up from her board.

"Before we can start treating him we need to remove the fear of Katniss that has been hardwired into his brain. But this is only the first step; if we manage to succeed then we still have the task of finding the correct cues that will draw the accurate memories from Peeta's long-term memory." Dr Aurelius says.

"And after that?" a man to the right of the women asks.

Dr Aurelius' shoulders drop slightly in a small sigh, "Then comes the hardest part…." His words cause all of the medics to look up at him in expectancy, "Even if we are able to make Peeta recall his initial memories he will still be left with two conflicting memories of the same event and it will be our task then to convince him that the original is the correct one. Now we do have the advantage of having the footage from both of his Hunger Games but in the end of the day it will be Peeta's choice alone as to which memories he believes to be true."


	17. Chapter 17

**I hope everyone has been well :)**

**Firstly I'd just like to dedicate this chapter to one of my amazing readers who not only read every chapter of my story in just one day, but they also review each one giving me their thoughts :)**

**Thank you to HealthyHungerGamesObsession101, you are amazing, thank you for everything!**

**I hope you all like this chapter, I am pretty proud of it so let me know what you think :)**

I've narrowed down explaining my situation to either one of two options; the first is that the people of 13 are adamant liars, determined to go to all means possible to deceive me to get me on their side. The second is that people here are telling the truth and the Capitol medics have really messed around with my head, the proceedings of my frequent visitations support the later but I am still far from being completely convinced. Accepting that the rebels are being honest is also accepting the fact that somehow man has devised a way to alter a person's memories without them being aware of it, and accepting this only gives me more concerns because who is to say that this isn't what the medics of 13 are doing to me now? I realize that I am never really going to be sure of which side is telling me the truth and that it is going to come down to whether I trust the Capitol or the Rebels, and at the moment I don't trust either of them.

Despite my doubts my treatment begins after a couple of days when Dr. Aurelius arrives to tell me that one of his medics came up with an idea to resolve my fear of Katniss. He explains that they are going to use morphling strategically to 'hi-jack me back' and all I am required to do is bring to mind all the horrible memories of Katniss that I believe are the most frightening. When the medics arrive with the bags of liquid on drips and prepare to insert the tubes into my arms I am uneasy, as I've grown anxious of people injecting drugs into my body when I only have their word on what they really are. I am told the idea of the treatment is to inject me with a dose of the calming morphling when the memories I recall begin to trigger one of my rage induced outbursts. Wires attached me to a machine that monitors my heart rate and another that measures electrical conductivity of my skin as high readings on them usually indicate an outburst and signal the medics as to when to inject me with morphling.

I have no trouble when I am asked to bring up a frightening memory of Katniss, all I have to do is hear her name or close my eyes and a endless supply comes straight to mind. I start with the most frequently reoccurring images of Katniss killing my baby, of her claws positioning a bow aimed directly at my heart and her vicious blood stained face laughing as my family burns to death… My palms begin to sweat, my heart pounds against my ribs and my muscles tense as the horror of the memories prompt a rage filled outburst but the medics are prepared. Morphling enters my bloodstream and it's effect is immediate and I realize quickly that my previous concerns that the substance might not be the calming drug were in vain… it definitely felt exactly the same as it did when I received it after my first hunger games but this time instead of easing me of just physical agony it was also reducing psychological pain. I can still see each of the sickening memories but they don't seem as threatening with my body completely relaxed.

The 5 days of treatment must be providing satisfying result because today when Dr Aurelius enters my room he is grinning.

"How are you feeling, Peeta?" he asks taking a seat next to my bed.

I shrug, "Alright I guess" I say honestly, it is true that I feel the best I have felt in a long time but there is still an overwhelming feeling of confusion and emptiness inside me.

"Well you have been doing a great job," Dr Aurelius smiles.

I raise my eyebrows, "A great enough job that you're going to let me feed myself instead of having me on this stupid thing?" I say pulling at a chord attached to the top of my hand, "I know it's giving me all the nutrients I need and everything but I'm starving."

"Baby steps, unfortunately we can't take it off you completely, with the amount of stress your putting your body and mind through you could be at risk of depression and we aren't going to allow you to starve yourself… but I'll see if I can get a couple of things organized in the meantime."

"Don't mind me, complaining has just become a way to pass the time… it gives me something to do" I say indifferently.

Dr Aurelius sighs and looks around my room, "I know it must be dull in here, I'll see if I can organize something to fix that as well."

I am still unaccustomed to receiving all of this kindness but I decide to quit feeling weary and enjoy it with it lasts so I give a slight grin in gratitude.

"So do you have any questions Peeta?" Dr Aurelius asks respectfully, it's a question I receive everyday and though I have many running through my mind I never seem to be able to decide on one so I ask nothing, but today one is sticking out.

"Remind me again what you are trying to achieve with all the morphling? I mean it's calming me down and everything but the memories are still there…" I say gravely.

Dr Aurelius looks down his glasses at me, "Well the ideal outcome would be that we create a conditioned response in you so that every time you recalled those memories you felt calmness instead of fear and rage but that's a big ask. Quite frankly I'd be satisfied if the morphling continues in doing that it's doing now and allowing you to have control over your memories and not vice versa."

"Alright" I say simply, admittedly I am grateful to be rid of the constant rage within me but I am still struggling to understand the overall purpose of the treatment. "I admit I feel better but I'm not having all of these sudden recollections of old memories like everyone is wanting me to…"

"Peeta you aren't expected to remember everything on your own accord, you do have those memories they are just lost somewhere in your subconscious and this leads me to why I am here today… I've come to ask for your permission to continue to the next stage of your treatment. If you are willing I would like to attempt retrieving one of those lost memories today but only if you feel up to it."

I consider it for a moment. What really is the worst that could happen? If I kept refusing I was sure they would eventually do it without my consent so I might as well stay on good terms with them. "Okay."

Dr Aurelius looks proud as he gives me a pat on the shoulder and then he gives another one of his nods towards the mirror, "Alright. Now when I say all those memories are lost in your subconscious the only way to retrieve them is by finding the correct cue… now this can be difficult, memory cues are personal and can be anything from a certain smell, a picture, a specific place and so on but all we are going to have to use for the moment is the footage from both of your games."

On cue a large television is brought into the room and positioned at the foot of my bed, one the medics fiddles around with buttons for a bit and eventually a still image of me and Katniss in a cave appears on screen. Dr Aurelius looks at me expectantly; waiting for me to react badly to seeing Katniss but instead of rage I feel coldness and when I don't react he continues.

"It seems that your memories of your first games are the least altered in your mind so we are going to try showing you a clip from it and see if you remember it accordingly to the footage."

The image on screen comes to life just as the lights of my room are dimmed slightly, I see myself lying on top of a sleeping bag beneath the shade of rocks… it is clear that I am in pain but I do my best to cover it up as Katniss walks over to me and carefully places clothes on my forehead.

"Do you want anything?" she asks concerned looking directly into my eyes.

"No. Thank you. Wait, yes. Tell me a story." I ask.

I watch Katniss frown in confusion, "A story? What about?"

"Something happy. Tell me about the happiest day you can remember," I say as my eyes search her face, it is evident that the boy in this video worships everything about the girl in front of him.

"Did I ever tell you about how I got Prim's goat?" she asks me and I respond with a shake of the head. "It was the day of Prim's birthday and I was heading into town with Gale, I took one of my mother old lockets and I sold it for some money to buy something for Prim. I was looking for dress materials and as I was running my hand over a blue cotton cloth, something caught my eye. You know the goat man? The one that keeps that small herd of goats well one of his goats, the white one with black patches, was lying down in a cart because something had mauled her shoulder. She was hurt pretty bad and the man told me that he was just about to sell her to the butcher, when Rooba arrived she didn't want the goat so after half an hour we eventually agreed on a price. So I brought a pink ribbon and tied it around its neck and you should have seen Prim's reaction when we walked in. She was so excited that she started crying and laughing all at once but my mother wasn't so sure so the pair of them set to work on it, grinding up herbs and coaxing brews down the animals throat."

"They sound like you," I say admiringly, lost in her story.

"Oh, no, Peeta. They work magic, that thing couldn't have died if it tried."

"Don't worry. I'm not trying. Finish the story."

"Well, that's it. Only I remember that night, Prim insisted on sleeping with Lady on a blanket next to the fire. And before they drifted off, the goat licked her cheek, like it was giving her a goodnight kiss or something. It was really mad about her." I see Katniss say as a small smile plays on her features… She looks so human, no claws, no bloodthirsty eyes… just a normal girl missing her sister.

"Was it still wearing the ribbon?" I ask curiously.

"I think so, why?" she asks almost amused.

"I'm just trying to get the picture" hearing myself say these words jolts my memory slightly, I remember speaking them, or at least I think I do. I remember trying to conjure up the scene of Katniss' happiness in my mind and wanting every detail to be perfect that's why I asked the question about the ribbon… but before I can consider this further I watch myself speak again, "I can see why that day made you happy."

Katniss laughs slightly, "Well, I knew that goat would be a little gold mine."

"Yes, of course I was referring to that, not the lasting joy you gave the sister you love so much you took her place in the reaping," I say with a slight smirk.

Katniss raises her eyebrows, "That goat has paid for itself. Several times over," she says defensively but she is grinning.

"Well it wouldn't dare do anything else after you saved its life, I intend to do the same thing."

"Really? What did you cost me again?" she asks.

"A lot of trouble. Don't worry. You'll get it all back," I murmur.

"You're not making sense. You're a little cooler, though" she says as her the back of her palm rests against my forehead.

With that the screen goes black and the lights of the room are brightened again. Though Dr. Aurelius is the only person in the room with me I can feel the eyes of all the medics behind the mirror as well as his studying me, waiting for me to react, but how can I react when there are so many thoughts running through my mind. I can hear Dr Aurelius speaking to me but his voice has a distorted quality and I can't make sense of what he is saying, my mind is elsewhere, back in that cave, trying to make sense of everything. That jolt of memory was so strange but only creates an enormous amount of confusion in my head… the scene felt familiar after I heard myself speak those words but istill have no idea whether the memory I now have is mine from the past or simply a recap of what I've just seen on screen…I've seen my reflection only a few times recently and the face I've stared into no longer resembles my face I saw in the footage… the person in the video looks and acts like a complete stranger to me but yet there is a slight familiarity in the way he speaks. My mind is so overwhelmed with disorder that I remain in a state of stupor for hours until the hazy voice of Dr Aurelius eventually breaks through to my concentration and begins to be comprehensible.

"Peeta, are you all right?" he asks concerned.

My mouth hangs open with my breathing deep as I stare directly in front of me and nod.

"Peeta explain to me how you are feeling?" he asks and I hear him take out his clipboard.

"The goat." I say suddenly, "What happened to the goat?" I ask looking at him.

He frowns at me, "The goat? Umm, what about it?" he says, lost for words.

"Where is it? Is it here in 13?" I ask quickly.

"Well no it isn't." Dr Aurelius says simply, still puzzled.

"Then it's dead then?" I push on.

"Well… I guess so…" Dr Aurelius says uneasily, "But Peeta why is this concerning you?"

I shrug, "I just though that Katniss would have gone to some effort to ensure her goat got out in time before she order the rebels to destroy district 12, but I guess not."

"Peeta." Dr Aurelius says pointedly, "Katniss did not order an attack on 12, what makes you think that?"

"They showed me." I say simply, "I saw it, the district burned down, Katniss destroyed it the same way she attacked district 8."

"No Peeta. You have got it all wrong." Dr Aurelius says, "District 13 have not initiated any attack in this war so far… District 8 and District 12 where both targeted by the Capitol."

I frown, "But I saw it…" I say puzzled.

"Peeta this is what we have been trying to tell you, they messed around with your head, probably showed you altered footage of the bombings, they wanted you to be on their side and what better way than to make you think badly of their enemy."

I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration as too many conflicting stories run through my mind.

"So you're telling me that the Capitol destroyed my district, they are the ones that killed my family?" I ask hatefully.

Dr Aurelius nods sadly, "Moments after the arena was destroyed their was an air attack on district 12, some people managed to get out before mot of the bombs hit and those people are now here in 13, but unfortunately the rest of the district wasn't as fortune… Including your family Peeta…"

I do something that I no longer thought I was capable of doing, I begin to cry… tears stream down my face and with my arms restrained I can't make an effort to wipe them away so they just fall and they continue to fall and I begin to think that I might not be ever able to stop. It is true that the news of my families death isn't new to me but up until this point I believed Katniss was the cause of it so I could focus all my hurt into feelings of betrayal, hatred and revenge… but finding out that their death was on the hands of the Capitol, the people who forced me into a world of death and deception, and finding out that it was a result of the actions of my Hunger Games are the blows that hit my hard… I've seen so stupid…

A strange static noise fills the room as a speaker somewhere within it comes to life, "Peeta, It's Beetee." I hear the voice say clearly, and I look around to the mirror where surely Beetee is hidden behind, "I think you might want to see this…"

The screen of the television lights upon its own, obviously being controlled by Beetee in the other room. The all too familiar image of Katniss walking through the rubble of my family's bakery comes on screen and I strain to clear my vision from all of my tears. She isn't laughing, she isn't smiling… she looks miserable and grief-stricken like I am now.

"Peeta, this is your home. None of your family has been heard of since the bombings. Twelve is gone. And you're calling for a ceasefire? There's no one left to hear you." The misery and defeat in her voice are evident as she stares at the remains heartbroken.

The screen goes blank again. "That does that look like a girl who initiated an attack on both of your homes?" Beetee's voice asks.

No. It doesn't. I was working with the Capitol in trying to end the war when the whole time they were the one's causing it… The blew up my district and killed my family the day they took me form the arena and not one person thought to tell me until I saw the footage on the monitor. I realize now what the purpose of all this treatment is…so I can become a part of the war and destroy the people who have always been, and will always be… my real enemy.


End file.
